A follow-up on the Master P saga.....

Can we just say I know what I'm talking about when it comes to these things? Can we just do THAT once and for all? Because it would sure save alot of time in the future....

I showed up on time for my appointment last Friday; naturally, he kept me waiting. While I was waiting, however, I spoke with Nena ( aka, The Good Receptionist) and asked her to look in the computer and see how many appointments I had missed in the last year. She did. Her answer?

"Nine".

NO. I asked for a printout of the schedule, and she gladly provided it. Guess what?

"Nine" is the number of appointments I've missed in THREE YEARS. Yes, THREE (3, troi, tres). Not one. When I pointed this out to her, she shrugged and said, "I guess I read it wrong (*laughs*) !"

Ha. Ha. Ha.

So I sat down and used the time The Great Man was spending with another patient to determine how many appointments out of nine were from this year only. Guess how many? Oh go on!

TWO.

So. Who was right all along? Of course, this begs the question, "What the FCUK was that man thinking?"

You'll recall that I posited that perhaps he just got a bug in his arse, because normally, he was, well, normal. You'll also recall that I wondered if perhaps that Mary's response of "he almost discharged you as a patient" was her own invention.

Turns out I was right on both accounts.

The story, as it was told to me by The Man Himself, went something like this:

The week I had my appointment and didn't show, apparently, alot of other folks didn't show, either. As I have explained in this blog before, Master P is a Very Busy Man, Legitimately, so naturally, this was a mild irritant, to say the least. As he put it, "I was sitting here all week by myself!". He then got to Friday, and what came across his desk? A bunch of requests for refills. Needless to say, things got ugly. He took it upon himself to look at everyone who submitted said requests' attendance records, and obviously, he wasn't happy.

When I pointed out that *I* , being the sterling poster-child for proper psychiatric care that I am, had only missed TWO appointments, he said, "You got lumped in there, I guess."

I said, "UM, IS THAT REALLY FAIR?!??!"

He answered, "No. Okay, that wasn't cool."

Really. you think?

"Well, but okay. You have to understand that I have clients I haven't seen in MONTHS who aske me to refill their yadda yadda yadda and there's this ONE lady up in Wheresitz that I havent' seen in a YEAR and I can't do THAT, I mean, what do they expect? Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, blah blah, and below standard of care and blah blah blah DEA liscence and so forth and so on and theretofore...."

Okay, I see your point. And if I were in your position, I TOO would be very angry and I understand that with patients like that, that withholding meds is your only lever to get them to comply. But you KNOW you could have called me and said "Jessica, get your ass up here!" and I would have done it. Right?

"Well, I mean, I guess...right. You're in between the extremes..."

Excuse me?

"I'm just saying the next time you feel all pukey just call me, okay?"

Okay. That's fair. Now let's get to this "discharging me as a patient" issue.....

" I DID discharge some of those people who blah blah blah yaddadddaa.....wait, who said I was going to do that?"

Mary did.

"Oh. Well, Mary thinks if you miss 3 appointments in a year you should be discharged. Don't pay any attention to her. She's just an old lady ( mind you, she's probably only 5 years older than he is)."

Which is where I started laughing, and mentioned that I thought she had Vance Syndrome, and he laughed too and said maybe he had it, and that YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO WORK, I could retire. I'm tired, and I'm just so sick of all this crap, and what are they thinking? AM I supposed to blah blah blah.....

I say, "I understand. But you scared the crap out of me. I could have fired you, you know."
To which he responded, "I could have fired YOU." To which I replied, "And now that we have that out of the way.....

WHEN ARE YOU GOING ON VACATION?"

"Next week. "

And where are you going? Somewhere RELAXING, I hope?

"El Salvador. The rainforest."

Good for you. Don't be a drug mule, now. That never works out. ( He laughs). MOVING on.....here's how I've been doing........

And that was that. I got my refills and refills on refills in case I needed them while he was out traipsing in the wilds of Central America.

Pretty far to go for just a week.

Thank God. I think it will be good for him.