Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

It has been one of those days today, one of those days that made me want to go back to bed after I got up....

I've been sick with the flu/cold/whatever, ( hence the blog about firemen....although some firemen on their own without Gatorade is totally acceptable, too) and while that's mostly passed, I ran out of my mood stabilizer on Sunday. Ironically, I got sick the day I was supposed to go see Master P. this past week, and missed my appointment. Please note that this ISN'T a regular occurrance; the man is so freaking busy, I'd leap over flaming buildings to make my appointments, because god knows when I'd get in there again. Keep these two factors ( always busy Doctor; impeccable attendance by Jessica) in mind as they will come into play later.

Monday morning, bright and early, I call pharmacy; they have to call the doctor's office for refill. Okay, no problem. (Cue "Jeopardy" wait time music). Around 4:30 ( after his office has closed for the day) they call ME and inform that the doctor will not authorize a refill. Um, what? Why not? ( Oh, one more thing to note: the mood stabilizer? Is this utterly benign older drug they used to use for seizures. It's so boring they could practically sell it over the counter. My cat could eat it and probably still ruin my curtains with a single bound. Granted, he'd be a little loopy, and there might be more than one set of cutains in his view, but you get what I'm saying....).

Because I missed the appointment, Dr. Jackass won't refill it TIL I see him! Next available appointment? December! I was all UP in his secretary's grill today! "Nena, he can't just cut me OFF. That's not right, I know he knows THAT." ( Because then my oh-so-carefully medicated brain --the one we've struggled with since May and FINALLY had success with??--will go off-kilter! Yay! Just the accessory I needed for Fall!)
She asurred me "That wasn't his point," told me he wasn't trying to be a dick, and she would speak with him when he called the office for messages today. See, today is his day OFF.

Yeah, and guess who still doesn't have her meds tonight? ME, that's WHO! WTfuckingF??!!?! I mean, it's not like I'm some crack-addict patient ( yes, he has them!) who always fucks up her appointments, or is always asking for some random refill without keeping in touch! AND did I MENTION he and I have gone 'round and 'round about his answering service, him always being busy, him never answering messages hence my rarely ever calling if I need him off hours since it's pointless? ( Meaning basically, if you're having a med problem after hours you're screwed. He is NOT available. Unless you want to go to the ER, and trust me, unless you reeeeeaaaaaalllllllly want to spend 45 minutes to 2 hours arguing off and on with the attendings about how you DON'T need to be admitted, it's no place for a non-suicidal psych patient to BE.) Surely in addition to it being like having to see the Pope to get into an office visit, I've mentioned that he's FOREVER running late, sometimes as much as an hour and a half? And yet.....I miss an appointment and forget to call ( even though I'm the last appointment of the damned day that day, thank you very much) once in a very blue moon, and THIS is the attitude I'm dealt? Is it just me, or has he been nipping into the sample cabinet?!?!?

So the quest begins tomorrow morning, bright and early, and goddammit, if I don't have meds by TOMORROW night, I'm going to begin my next appointment by asking him if he wasn't trying to be a dick, then what WAS he trying to do? 'Cause it sure looked similar.... and if this is how it's gonna go, when I have to leap through countless hoops to even breathe the same air as the Great Man AND I do so regularly WITHOUT so much hassle AND am a compliant, friendly, cooperative patient, then FUCK IT. I can fire his ass, and have a new, more available doc in less than 24 hours ( Ron and Roy's psychdoc-- which *I* referred them to, I might add!). I don't wanna do that -- Master P is a genius and I genuinely like him, so I'm HOPING there's some good to come out of this.....