It's been too long. Christ. But since my last blog, so much has happened, I've been totally overwhelmed. TOTALLY. And now I'm sick, trying to shake off damn near everything hitting me all at once.
Updates, and they're gonna be fast because I feel like hell in every respect possible:
Yes, Tony and I worked some shit out. It was a serious workout, too. SERIOUS. Was it deserving of any less, after he behaved? He was truly, truly sorry, and is committed to working on his anger management, and concedes he is WAY wrong in handling things like he does sometimes. I'm fine with all that, and trying to figure out a way to be open to his efforts without shortchanging myself. It has been exhausting. Some part of me still has doubts, but believes in our love - I know he truly loves me, and I know I really love him. Still, I kind of need a break! Time, space....just to start over again and say, " okay, let's try this the RIGHT way." I do get some of that because by the time we had gone through all THAT, he had a week before he had to return to Global Hotspot, ( for a 3 month stint) and so I spent alot of time with him. Didn't sleep much ( get your mind out of the gutter! Yeah, well, okay-- that was part of it. But some of it was just getting used to sleeping next to someone as a matter of course, when I haven't in so long. Also, he gets up at the crack of dawn and I'll be damned if I didn't start waking up then, too.) and that + stress of relationship troubles = one very tired girl. He's back in Hotspot as of last week, and of course, tomorrow is 9/11. Keeping my fingers crossed some nutjob doesn't decide to take some anniversary action and start setting things on fire, etc.
Yes, I started my job. It's fine, if a bit disorganized. Still don't have my schedule for this week, and it's Sun night. Still haven't been paid, and it's been 2 weeks. The job is so easy, though, I can't complain....I just mind the store. Straighten a little. Very little foot traffic. I read a book most days, and then I lock up and go home. For $10 an hour. I can't complain much, except about the two things I just did complain about. The problem with a private, small business is that you have to deal with these thngs, and I hate not knowing what I'm going to be doing well before I end up doing it and not getting paid on time. I have bills, lady! Crimeny.
And I'm just sick as a dog and exhausted. I need a vacation. I've had some flu/cold thing rattling in my system and keeping me down for a few days now. I was so sick from that I didn't get to the pharmacy on time so I'm off on my meds. I have wicked PMS because I had to take some emergency contraception after an "Oops! That device failed!" incident with Anthony. I have some sort of *imbalance* Down There because of said hormonal influx, and it is, um, erm, UNCOMFORTABLE to say the least. I feel like crying every 5 minutes, am having panic attacks, wanting to hurl, and sleep all day. Good times, yeah?
Things have GOT to slow down or I'm gonna MAKE 'EM. Slowwwww down. I need a nap!
That's all the news fit to print ( and some of it that probably isn't). This has been Kermit the Frog ( no, not really, but do you remember those? Oh, bear with me. I'm half-delirious.) for Sesame Street News....have a sunshiney day. Thank you.
Updates, and they're gonna be fast because I feel like hell in every respect possible:
Yes, Tony and I worked some shit out. It was a serious workout, too. SERIOUS. Was it deserving of any less, after he behaved? He was truly, truly sorry, and is committed to working on his anger management, and concedes he is WAY wrong in handling things like he does sometimes. I'm fine with all that, and trying to figure out a way to be open to his efforts without shortchanging myself. It has been exhausting. Some part of me still has doubts, but believes in our love - I know he truly loves me, and I know I really love him. Still, I kind of need a break! Time, space....just to start over again and say, " okay, let's try this the RIGHT way." I do get some of that because by the time we had gone through all THAT, he had a week before he had to return to Global Hotspot, ( for a 3 month stint) and so I spent alot of time with him. Didn't sleep much ( get your mind out of the gutter! Yeah, well, okay-- that was part of it. But some of it was just getting used to sleeping next to someone as a matter of course, when I haven't in so long. Also, he gets up at the crack of dawn and I'll be damned if I didn't start waking up then, too.) and that + stress of relationship troubles = one very tired girl. He's back in Hotspot as of last week, and of course, tomorrow is 9/11. Keeping my fingers crossed some nutjob doesn't decide to take some anniversary action and start setting things on fire, etc.
Yes, I started my job. It's fine, if a bit disorganized. Still don't have my schedule for this week, and it's Sun night. Still haven't been paid, and it's been 2 weeks. The job is so easy, though, I can't complain....I just mind the store. Straighten a little. Very little foot traffic. I read a book most days, and then I lock up and go home. For $10 an hour. I can't complain much, except about the two things I just did complain about. The problem with a private, small business is that you have to deal with these thngs, and I hate not knowing what I'm going to be doing well before I end up doing it and not getting paid on time. I have bills, lady! Crimeny.
And I'm just sick as a dog and exhausted. I need a vacation. I've had some flu/cold thing rattling in my system and keeping me down for a few days now. I was so sick from that I didn't get to the pharmacy on time so I'm off on my meds. I have wicked PMS because I had to take some emergency contraception after an "Oops! That device failed!" incident with Anthony. I have some sort of *imbalance* Down There because of said hormonal influx, and it is, um, erm, UNCOMFORTABLE to say the least. I feel like crying every 5 minutes, am having panic attacks, wanting to hurl, and sleep all day. Good times, yeah?
Things have GOT to slow down or I'm gonna MAKE 'EM. Slowwwww down. I need a nap!
That's all the news fit to print ( and some of it that probably isn't). This has been Kermit the Frog ( no, not really, but do you remember those? Oh, bear with me. I'm half-delirious.) for Sesame Street News....have a sunshiney day. Thank you.
posted by Jessica @ 11:26 PM
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