Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

*SPOILERS, yadda yadda....*
Utterly predictable, since I read the book. I read the book....oh, crimney, when did it come out? Like 4 years ago (*looks it up*: yup, 4 years ago). Before I went into the theatre, I was struggling with recalling which/what/where in the story it was. By about a quarter of the way through I remembered, and that was that. As I've said in the past, when a movie is adapted from a book I know, I have the high hopes that it will somehow, even though I am already aware of the plot, still keep me hooked in. And it kind of didn't, even though this by far is the darkest point of Rowling's story ( don't argue with me; I didn't say the saddest or the most difficult!). In fact, I didn't feel much of anything at all, and I'm pretty sure they cut the ending short ( *looks it up*: yup, they did. No funeral for Dumbledore. WTF? I mean, the rest of it deals with some pretty complex ideas, like the notion of a soul, the spiritual cost of murder, life after death, secret grown-up alliances, and is, in fact,somewhat violent and THAT's where they decide to skip something because maybe it possibly might be too sensitive? What about closure? What about THE BOOKS, to which the films have all been faithful til this MOMENT???Jacked up.).
Anyway, I was bored, and I miss Richard Harris as Dumbledore, because whoever replaced him is fairly charmless, and Dumbledore is nothing if not charming. But I suppose I did my duty and saw the film so now when the last one comes out I can feel complete.....or something.


And it's officially summer, because, after an exceptionally long stint of spring-like weather, it's officially hotter than tolerable, and once again, I am sufficiently miserable. I hate this city, I hate this state, and I hate summer here more than dentistry. I'm TRYING to sleep on a normal schedule and this doesn't make it easy, because it's not like I can really muster up the will to go out and run errands in this heat. And as I have said repeatedly, I tend to suffer from an SAD like dip in the summer , so as one might guess, I'm thrilled to be alive right now. I'm supposed to stay inside where it's cool and dark, and it's pretty hard to coax yourself awake when you're doing that.

On the sleep front, last night I FINALLY had a night of successful sleep-through and woke up at a reasonable hour and stayed awake. I'm pretty thrilled with that, but I'm also pretty sure I don't want to stay at the medication level that is helping that along forever. I'm hoping once I have an established pattern, I can go back down to a reasonable amount of sleep meds and not further along some dependency on a class of drugs ( benzodiazepenes ) I know give me chronic, long-term memory loss. Don't get me wrong: benzos have saved my life. But they're supposed to be for short-term use, not long-term use, unless you've got a damned good reason ( like they're helping along an anti-psychotic or something) and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of crap. I've been on this one for 5 years, and up until recently, I had been angling to get OFF of it for almost 6 months ( I should have done it this spring, but I don't recall why I didn't. Well, I suppose THAT was for the best, eh? Hmpf.).

Not to mention, while they're assisting my other medications in keeping me calm, I suspect they are also keeping me a little numb. I can't really say that for certain; I just know that with the exception of increased irritability from the SAD, all I really feel is kind of bleh. Most of the time. Sometimes I feel, tonight, I ran into my neighbor, who asked me if I was still looking for work. I said, "Well, I've been kind of ill, lately" and went on to explain, very briefly, why. He said, " Don't you hate it when that happens? ", trying to be sympathetic. I nodded and said, "Yeah," and teared up. He had to go ( run away from the potentially crying girl!!) and I excused myself. As I was walking back to the house, I thought, goddammit. When is THAT going to stop happening? When is this going to stop making me want to cry or run someone over with my car? I realized that I don't feel that way most days-- just when I'm caught in a situation where I have to talk about it. And I don't usually have to, and so I don't. I take advantage of the fact that I can distract myself into oblivion with everything else, which I guess a part of me needs. I need to not flip out or get all triggered right now, and it's so super easy to stay in that place of quiet nothing lately. I reckon THAT is due to my being hopped up on tranquilizers, ya know?

And that's fine.....I guess. Let me put it this way: being dulled isn't neccessarily being well. The absence of something floridly wrong doesn't mean everything's right. And given my response to this evening's exchange, I'm pretty sure there's more under the surface ( especially since my neighbor mentioned that it "must have been hard" for me, since MC "seemed like a nice guy" when he'd met him this spring. When I stopped feeling like I was going to cry, I started feeling pissed, like "Yeah, so nice. Everyone thinks he's so nice. Whatever."). I reckon I'm going to have to deal with that sooner than later.

Just, GOD. Could we move on to FALL already, and could BETTER things be coming around the corner? Because whatever the reason is--summer, meds, life disasters,boring summer movies-- I'm just beyond sick of right NOW.