Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Had a car accident on my way home tonight. Plowed into the back on a barely-English-literate woman who then called her asshole brother ( hopefully their insurance is really real.) All are unharmed, car is functional, if ugly at the moment and cop failed to notice that my tags are expired, which in CA means a mandatory 30-day impound (at your expense, of course- plus penalties). Thanking my lucky stars....

Really, really shaken up, but I'm physically just fine. I wasn't going to call the police, since no one was hurt ( and the law says you don't have to in that case). But when Asshole Brother got there with INS Suspect Lady, and they started speaking in Spanish and refused to show me their insurance (!!!!) I opened my big mouth and said, "It's the LAW that you show me your insurance card. I don't want to call the police because my tags are expired. "

And THAT'S when Asshole whips out his cell phone and said, "Your tags are expired? THAT'S ILLEGAL. We HAVE to call the police." I said, "WHAT? YOU are busting me, and putting me into a no-win when *I* had to talk your Sister into pulling OVER?? I didn't leave. I just want the information so we can file." Of course, he didn't listen. I burst into tears and called my friend Ron, who has balls of steel, and would have been there if he weren't in school. He talked me down and I hung up, turned to the guy, and said, "This is how it's gonna go. YOU'RE NOT saying ANYTHING about the tags. If he notices, FINE. I'll take the heat. But you don't GET to tell him,it's not your PLACE, it has nothing to do with YOU. But I'll tell you for sure, you're being a jackass." He just shrugged.

THEN the neighbor, who witnessed the whole thing comes out, hears this, sees me hysterical and lit into him herself. She apparently talked him out of being such a royal dick, and he mentioned nothing. Police came, were perfectly nice, I admitted to fault ( because it WAS) and if Mr. Po-lice noticed, he said nothing, or looked the other way. Since I am serious violation of the law on it, I'm praying I don't get a phone call or a visit tomorrow........ In the good news, my insurance will pay for their repairs, car hood is just dented, and needs to be hammered out.

God. I could throw up right now just writing all that.

But really, it all started on Sunday, when I went to dinner with my friend ( and ex) Jack. I know? Ugh. I'm the kind of person who puts it all on the table, which is awkward for some people, and really, not always the best idea. But I guess I'd rather just SAY it, and get it over with. I think he is dating again and isn't telling me, even though he knows I've moved on and we're just friends, which is SO totally weird! I don't even know what to do with that. I can't confront him and go "Jack, what the hell?" without it looking like I'm overly interested in his sex life and proving him right!

THEN I come home, and it looks like Cherry, the girl I let LIVE here while she and her husband were going to counselling for their marriage doesn't want to be friends anymore. She didn't TELLme, of course, she just hasn't returned a call or called me since this summer. I mean, what do you do when someone is just not responding to you, but you know they're hanging out with your OTHER, there's no way to really CONFRONT that without seeming WEIRD. But I can't really be angry at her, because....well, you don't just ANNOUNCE that you don't want to hang out anymore. You do what she's's just a case of hurt feelings.

THEN I notice this old HS friend on FB who's friending EVERYONE I know, and I sent him a message saying, "Look, you don't have to friend me, because not everyone from your past you neccessarily want in your present. I understand that. But you should know that when I saw Brian ( a mutual friend from HS that I loathe) 3 years ago, he told me that YOU told HIM I had AIDS. That is SO WRONG and HATEFUL, if indeed you did such a thing. If you didn't, at least you now know he's playing you if you are indeed calling him friend."
Of course, he friended me immediately so he could respond. He said:

Hi Jessica,
Good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about what Leo's been saying. I have no idea why he would say that. I can't even remember the last time I saw him. Hope you're well.

Wow. That's Mr. Sensitivity. So I clarified myself to him:

Hi Tim~

Sorry to have ambushed you like that, but I felt that it was neccessary to say it for myself, and to let you know what's been said. Needless to say, I was extremely angry about the comment, mostly because I used to work with AIDS patients and it was not only a slur that played upon stigma, but also a piss-poor implication that to get it, one has to be morally corrupt. Of course, you know that the latter made me out of be a slut in no uncertain terms, from that perspective.

The other reason I was angry was because Leo also flat-out said that you were jealous of him, since he slept with me waaaaaaaaay back in the day and you never got to.....which means, had you said that to him, it was your way of making me unappealing. I do NOT appreciate being relegated to the realm of sport between two men, as their little football tossed between their foolish, teen-aged competitiveness. Do you understand why that would be offensive?

Lastly, coming from such a small town as the one we grew up in, things get around and are interpreted as fact. People aren't as well-informed about things like HIV as they might be, and as much as I have extracted myself from that community, I do still have many acquaintances there. My PARENTS also live there. A statement like that could cause them a lot of angst.

I hear you saying that you didn't do this, and for what it's worth, Leo and I are no longer friends after the trip/interaction during which this was revealed ( in spring of 2006). He came to visit me in LA to make himself feel better after his fiancee dumped him and I was nothing more than a girl to make his ego feel better. I found him superior, materialistic, chauvanistic and a drunk. It's likely that his interpretation or memory of a conversation you two had was skewed to his favor. I certainly would not be surprised by that.

My trust with you is hesitant nonetheless. I don't have a problem with having you around on FB; obviously, that's way off from real life. And mostly, my interactions with you have been straightforward when I've had them in the past. But I want to put the boundary down NOW that any kind of bullshit like the above won't be tolerated. Obviously, I cant threaten you with anything other than withdrawal of my tentative friendship and/or complete and open diclosure about such antics to friends we share.

And it's not about threats, anyway. It's about an understanding between you and me in the face of a possible violation of trust and integrity that I live my life surrounding myself with people who are honest and whom I can trust implicitly. Nothing less than that is going to be acceptable.

I hope that you are well. Thanks for listening.

Of course, I guess I should have expected what I got next:

Hi Jessica,
Again, sorry to hear about what Leo has been saying. For whatever it's worth, I don't recall ever having spoken to Leo about you. I have hardly spoken to him at all in years. I did not know that he slept with you, nor do I care. I hope you are well and remain well, but I must say I find this entire exchange a waste of time and energy.

And then he booted me. Fine. I wrote him that I was sad to hear that someone's feelings were a waste of time and energy, and to take care. I'd have booted him myself if he hadn't beaten me to it. Clearly, he ISN'T someone to have as a friend, after all. But crimeny, could it have been any colder? UGH.

Damn, it has just been a hellish week already and it's only Tuesday.