I swear half the fun of going into Master P's office is the stories he tells. Screw getting the drugs ( although they ARE good), he's always got a slew of tales to tell about the 30 years of psychiatry he's done in L.A. And if you can't get some good "crazy" stories outta this town, you're not leaving your house.
One example: Master P is in his office in the 80's. In walks this guy, says he's got ADD. No records, no past medical files. Master P sees him, assesses him briefly, gives him a script with NO refill, and says, "next time you gotta have your records faxed in." Fairly straightforward above-board action. A month or so passes (standard med-check time), guy comes back in. No records, no files. Wants a refill on the ADD drugs ( which, in case you don't know, is effectively just a fancy form of speed at this point in pharmaceutical history). Doc says, no deal, I told you, blah blah blah. This guy suddenly says, "Hey, doc. Come on. Hook me up. You like girls? I can get you girls. What kind do you like? Hotel in Vegas, on the house, all weekend, I'll get you any girls you want. Just hook me up." Turns out the dude was a mafioso, and you can infer the rest from there. ( Master P kicked him out, though, just for the record).
Second story: I don't remember how I got on this topic.... oh yeah. Al Gore. (Why were we talking about Al Gore? Oh yeah, Medicare, and all it's new permutations in plans. I said, "no worries, by the time you learn them all, they will all change," which led to a discussion in politics, etc.etc...) I said, "Come on, you don't think Al Gore is campaigning with his new movie? I do. Not that I care, I love Al Gore." Master P says, "Oh, NO. I'll never forgive him for that whole deal with the rating the music." Me: "That was TIPPER. " Him: "Oh and you think she would have gotten a floor to comment if Al hadn't been in the SENATE?" Okay, gotta concede on that one. I go on to tell him a funny story about when I worked in music (which was around that hullaballoo) and we got in trouble for hanging up a poster of Jane's Addiction's "Ritual de lo Habitual" cover, which features a sculpture of Perry Farrell in bed with two women, half naked. At any rate, when I'm setting up the story, I ask, ( since he's 50 or so) "Do you know who Jane's Addiction is?" To my great surprise, he says, "Of course. Those guys used to come into my office and pump me for drugs all the time. Och. What a pain in the ass they were, lemee tell ya...." ( This makes my silly story about hanging little peices of the First Amendment over Perry's thingie to get around the censorship pale in comparison.)
Then he tells me that Phil Spector used to be one of his clients and had his girlfriend call up Master P and wrangle him down for drugs on a regular basis. His comments on that were, "he used to tell me he used to produce the Beatles, and..." Me: "He never produced the Beatles! George Martin produced the Beatles!" Him: "Well, he had some delusions about producing 'Abbey Road'. Anyway, is that any reason I should give him whatever he wants, carte blanche? I don't think so. I don't care what the man has done. He has to come to the frickin' office like everyone else!!!" ( He also commented that he's fairly certain that Phil killed that girl in his house two years ago - he's on trial for it now-because, "the man is just NUTS, okay? And god forbid I would still be his doctor NOW, because if they can't get him off on this charge, they always go after whomever is within striking distance. First up is always the psychiatrist , if there is one, for negligence. I shudder to think.")
Apparently being a psychiatrist in this town is a scary, scary thing. As he summed it up, " that's why I'm happy to be over the hill ( in the Valley) taking care of regular people. I had to get out of there. After awhile, that shit just gets insane, and gets to you. "
Well, I for one am glad he's here. He's a brilliant doctor and a super-cool dude. I left that day thinking that he could be in Beverly Hills billing at $250. an hour working with the rich, off-the-charts nuts and overly-developed sense of entitlement folks. Instead he works with the poor, crazy and needy. We're lucky, and that's pretty darn cool. Plus, the stories are always good for a laugh when you're in there feeling like the whole world is gonna end. Reassuring to think that even the rich and famous can't make their lives work, either, sometimes, isn't it?
One example: Master P is in his office in the 80's. In walks this guy, says he's got ADD. No records, no past medical files. Master P sees him, assesses him briefly, gives him a script with NO refill, and says, "next time you gotta have your records faxed in." Fairly straightforward above-board action. A month or so passes (standard med-check time), guy comes back in. No records, no files. Wants a refill on the ADD drugs ( which, in case you don't know, is effectively just a fancy form of speed at this point in pharmaceutical history). Doc says, no deal, I told you, blah blah blah. This guy suddenly says, "Hey, doc. Come on. Hook me up. You like girls? I can get you girls. What kind do you like? Hotel in Vegas, on the house, all weekend, I'll get you any girls you want. Just hook me up." Turns out the dude was a mafioso, and you can infer the rest from there. ( Master P kicked him out, though, just for the record).
Second story: I don't remember how I got on this topic.... oh yeah. Al Gore. (Why were we talking about Al Gore? Oh yeah, Medicare, and all it's new permutations in plans. I said, "no worries, by the time you learn them all, they will all change," which led to a discussion in politics, etc.etc...) I said, "Come on, you don't think Al Gore is campaigning with his new movie? I do. Not that I care, I love Al Gore." Master P says, "Oh, NO. I'll never forgive him for that whole deal with the rating the music." Me: "That was TIPPER. " Him: "Oh and you think she would have gotten a floor to comment if Al hadn't been in the SENATE?" Okay, gotta concede on that one. I go on to tell him a funny story about when I worked in music (which was around that hullaballoo) and we got in trouble for hanging up a poster of Jane's Addiction's "Ritual de lo Habitual" cover, which features a sculpture of Perry Farrell in bed with two women, half naked. At any rate, when I'm setting up the story, I ask, ( since he's 50 or so) "Do you know who Jane's Addiction is?" To my great surprise, he says, "Of course. Those guys used to come into my office and pump me for drugs all the time. Och. What a pain in the ass they were, lemee tell ya...." ( This makes my silly story about hanging little peices of the First Amendment over Perry's thingie to get around the censorship pale in comparison.)
Then he tells me that Phil Spector used to be one of his clients and had his girlfriend call up Master P and wrangle him down for drugs on a regular basis. His comments on that were, "he used to tell me he used to produce the Beatles, and..." Me: "He never produced the Beatles! George Martin produced the Beatles!" Him: "Well, he had some delusions about producing 'Abbey Road'. Anyway, is that any reason I should give him whatever he wants, carte blanche? I don't think so. I don't care what the man has done. He has to come to the frickin' office like everyone else!!!" ( He also commented that he's fairly certain that Phil killed that girl in his house two years ago - he's on trial for it now-because, "the man is just NUTS, okay? And god forbid I would still be his doctor NOW, because if they can't get him off on this charge, they always go after whomever is within striking distance. First up is always the psychiatrist , if there is one, for negligence. I shudder to think.")
Apparently being a psychiatrist in this town is a scary, scary thing. As he summed it up, " that's why I'm happy to be over the hill ( in the Valley) taking care of regular people. I had to get out of there. After awhile, that shit just gets insane, and gets to you. "
Well, I for one am glad he's here. He's a brilliant doctor and a super-cool dude. I left that day thinking that he could be in Beverly Hills billing at $250. an hour working with the rich, off-the-charts nuts and overly-developed sense of entitlement folks. Instead he works with the poor, crazy and needy. We're lucky, and that's pretty darn cool. Plus, the stories are always good for a laugh when you're in there feeling like the whole world is gonna end. Reassuring to think that even the rich and famous can't make their lives work, either, sometimes, isn't it?
posted by Jessica @ 5:13 PM
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