Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Bad blogger Jessie, I know. Things have been a little intense around here.

Griffin died. I realized earlier this week that he was declining really rapidly, and I thought that it would be lucky if he made it through the weekend. Around Thursday it hit me pretty hard. I was driving to work, ( I did get the job at MoT- a long drive) someone cut me off in traffic and I had to pull over into a nearby restaurant parking lot because I burst into tears. I made it to work, but my boss saw me and sent me home after I told her why I'd been crying ( god blesspet loving California).

I got home and took a look at the boy, and it was a pretty bad scene. He hadn't been able to use his back legs properly for about a week, and that day, it was even worse. He'd just been sort of lying in one place for the whole day, and not moving. He hadn't been eating for about 3 days, and that day, he flat out stopped even going to the bowl. I decided that I'd watch him, and maybe bring him into the vet for pain meds the next day.

The next day was even worse- he didn't walk at all without falling right down, and his eyes barely made contact with mine. I decided that as soon as the emergency room opened, I was taking him in to be put to sleep. I called friends for support, and laid down next to my guy. I stroked his beautiful fur and sang him songs and told him everything I needed to.

And that was that. Afterward, I blessed his body and smudged it with sage pagan style, made sure it was covered. I left, and cried alot, but by and large, I feel he had a peaceful and painless death, surrounded by love, and I was absolutely sure I did the right thing at the right time. There isn't much else I could really ask for, you know?

I don't know what else to say about it, it's so soon. I'm really sad, and I'm not feeling up to much these days. Anthony had to deal with some suicide bombings in Global Hotspot the same day, and things between me and him are on hiatus right now, per my request. I don't want to let him go, and it's too soon for me to have yet another loss. I'm not altogether happy with him at this moment, but I have some hope left. Still, I just need a rest from all the roller-coaster of our past, and time to heal over that and this. So even though there's a lot of love there and I worry for his safety, I know this is important for both of us for right now. He's got quite a bit on his plate over there, too.

Sigh. I hope the world will turn and a better day is in store for all of us, and the pain of grief subsides quickly.

Ice cream, anyone? Grab a spoon. I got a big vat over here....