What exactly IS it about candy corn? Every year, I get so damned excited when I see it on the shelf. Is it childhood memories? Is it *the* defnitive smell of the season? I can't be sure, but every year I buy some, and every year, I end up regretting it.

The thing is, I realize that it really IS the crappiest of candies once I've had a few niblets; it's nothing, really, but wax and sugar and food coloring, right? Right. But then I am compelled, by some unknown force to eat more of it. Whereupon by about a handful into the bag, I come to the conclusion that I am already sick of it ( or sick from it), and unsure about what to do with the rest. This usually leaves me with a "bleh" feeling from even that much and about a half a ton of the stuff left hanging around.

Although I've noticed that if I take it anywhere, say, work, or to a meeting, everyone else has the same reaction: "OH! Candy corn! Oh, I love candy corn!" and little by little ( a handful at a time, just like me) it disappears. The desire not to reappear again untill next year.

What gives? Are they putting time-release crack in there, or what? And why do I still find it gut-bustingly hilarious to put two pieces on my front canine teeth and pretend I'm a vampire?

Maybe I need to get some kids. I'll bet that "look I'm a vampire" gig would get old in about 20 minutes, and as soon as I cleaned up just ONE mess of orange vomit, my yearly craving would be cured forever.

At least I'd hope. My teeth hurt.