Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I think it's time to pull the trigger.

I've officially HAD it with my job at Big Bookseller. I have a feeling I'm going to be forced into a position I don't want and have vociferously objected to. That is, if I survive tomorrow with a job still intact.

I've been open about my disdain for the Kids section. It's only gotten worse back there, and up til now, I've not had to deal with it much. Since my original complaint that it was super sexist and I was NOT equipped to manage it well as a person, I have rarely been scheduled back there. Hooray for that.

Mostly, I've been scheduled at the Customer Service Desk, and to do hardcore recovery of the store ( coming in and just cleaning up people's messes, essentially, for 5 hours straight. It's all the same to me....) . Fine with me. I can't ring on the register after that debacle with my Store Manager, so it's really hard for them to schedule me CSD with that in mind, as the CSD position is usually back-up ringng. So far, my ASM Mal has had my back.

Except NOW, Mal is leaving to go back to school in a month or two, and so much for that. I might have more faith in the remaining managers to schedule things fairly, except NOW Hannah, our Kids Lead, is ALSO leaving to move back home. Our main girl , (Nina) who covers for her has had it with the company and is quitting. This means there's a big lack of Kids coverage.

I should probably explain that employees who work in Kids don't ring at all. They're sort of in their own little world back at the back of the store.

The running dialogue in my head for the past few days has been "Gosh, wouldn't that be a dreamy place to stick Jessica, since Dil won't let her ring, and we need coverage? Who cares that she can't hack it? Besides, maybe she'll just up and quit and that will be a PITA out of our hair."
I tried to be optimistic, but tonight I walked in and guess what? I was scheduled in Kids.

Which resulted in a big throw down with a lower level ASM and my almost punching out to go home, and her promising to talk to Dil about registers and ONCE again, pointing out to him the stupidity of his original decision to pull me off of them prematurely. Since he's been talked to TWICE by both Mal and myself already, ( we got new systems and everyone was being trained on them , and Mal and I saw this as an opportunity to talk to him) and he REFUSED, I doubt it's going to work.

Plus, I think once Dil hears about this big altercation last night he's going to have a meltdown and threaten to fire me anyway. He's been on this trip with a number of employees he sees as "problem" employees-- threatening them, letting them know he's got his eye on them, that he has them in his sights. He hasn't threatened me yet, but I suspect he will NOW, if not cut his losses right away.

I'm thinking it's time to call the corporate hotline. We have this 1-800-WE-LISTEN hotline that we are encourage to call any time we think we're getting unfair treatment. I've been so tempted in the past to call it after this whole disability/register nightmare, but I thought I'd give the man some time to rectify it. Now I'm just too scared to wait to see what will even happen, and that's ENOUGH for me to call it because of that feeling alone.

I don't know what will happen. I'd been thinking lately, in light of the Hannah/Mal departure that a transfer to a smaller, less busy store would be the ideal solution for everyone. I could, conceivably, be given another shot at the registers in a less crazy situation and even if that fails, both smaller, quieter stores that we have do NOT have store a huge day-care like Kids section to run. I think I could conceivably be successful in that scenario.

Plus, I'd be FREE from Dil, and the constant worry of his threats, (which frankly aren't right. While I guess he could argue they constitute a "verbal warning", they sound more like a pushy verbal attack that is meant to encourage said "problem" employees to quit. ).

I don't know if that's an option, if there's room at the other stores for a transfer employee. There should be, but no guarantees. And I don't know what the corporate hotline will advise, but I DO know they will likely have a sit down with Dil after this, even though it's supposed to be anonymous. ( I was informed if it was related to a specific incident, the manager in quesiton would have to be notified and talked to.). That's fine, I guess, I but I worry about THAT too, and all the ruckus it will make. Another reason I've delayed the call: the ruckus and the resulting alienation from other managment and the possible repurcussions from The Bulldog himself.

I see now perhaps I should have acted sooner, because I'm going to come off as a whiner and brat, and the whole thing's going to be a mess much larger than ever before. On the other hand, I could get my ass transferred out into something way better. It's a much bigger gamble now than it ever has been.


Not sure what to do, how to feel. I would just fucking quit but my current attempts to even get a supplementary job have not been at all successful and I need this one so I can get insurance and get off the dole. I'm trying to at least make an attempt at a normal life without government assistance, dammit. I just didn't think it was going to cost me my nerves.

Argh. Argh. ARGH.