Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A few random things from the last few days:

  • I was driving down the street to go pay my power bill, absent-mindedly checking out people's Xmas decorations in yards around the neighborhood. I had to go around the block out of my way because I thought I saw, standing in someone's yard chatting the resident up, that Bob The Drug and Alcohol Counselor from "Celebrity Rehab". ( Yesh, I watch "Celebrity Rehab." Partly because I love me some Dr. Drew-- he really is a cool, hot guy, but he's also a really smart physician-- but also, as a recovering alcoholic, I always learn new things about addiction. Plus, I like to be an armchair Case Supervisor: "You seriously aren't letting Sean Stewart out on a Day Pass! What, are you STUPID? He's so gonna go score.") I LOVE that Bob guy. He's this total case for Hope ( he'd been to rehab 15x before he cleaned his ass up. And now he's a CDAC, which is really noble of him to do) and no one pulls any bullshit over on him. Anyway, I got all excited because I wanted to go shake his hand and say, "Dude, thanks for sharing your story, because it's really inspiring, and I always learn something new when you talk."

But it wasn't him. Alas. It got me thinking, though, which is that I might want to go back to meetings myself. I've been sober for so long I forget I fall and lapse even if I don't use. Like this Heroin Boy thing this summer.....well, he got that name in jest and in a flattering, gosh-he-smells-like-a-present-made-just-for-me! way, but as I mentioned to someone recently, while he's also crave-inducing, he's totally bad for me. And I saw myself doing all manner of addict-y -like things while in the throes of that infatuation. Like cyberstalking. Like trying to manipulate outcomes. Like gossiping and not being who I am. I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself in the end, although it was certainly a rush in the moment. It's a tip-off to me that I kinda need to work on some stuff that AA might readily address, like, oh, you know. Faith. Letting Go. Hope. All the stuff I like to pretend I have a grip on but are really only tenuous to me when I need them the most.

  • I think we ( we as in me and Angel) are adopting a friend. There's two girl kittens available- all shots, totally fixed, for free. I have been wanting to get A a friend forever, since he's lonely, but I haven't been able to afford the fees. But I was at this yard sale, and the woman mentioned her neighbor had some kitties she needed to adopt, I went to meet them. I can't have both, only one. I don't know which I'll choose. But stay tuned...

  • Some snapshots of Really Special People Coming Into Work:

1.) "I need this book? It's called (looks at Post-It), "Grapes and Rats" ( Me: you mean "The Grapes of Wrath"? ) "I don't know." ( You know what? I think that's probably what it is. Here. ( handing her the book). Have fun.)

2.) "Do you have movies? You know. MOVIES. On DVD. I mean, a DVD section????" ( frantic, and talking to me like I'm an idiot. Me: No, I'm sorry, only X and Y Stores carry DVDs.) "Well. I.. **sighing**.. oh. Oh no. Oh, ** sighing**". ( At points like these, which come more often than ever these days, I sometimes think, 'Is my role here to carry the guilt for not having what she wants? Am I to be a witness to her angst so someone will acknowledge it? Because really, I can't actually DO anything about this, so therefore, I am flummoxed. And yet, oddly, coldly uncaring.')

3.) "Do you have "Twilight"? ( Me: Right behind you, on that table. Lots of 'em.) " Oh, okay. Wait. Do you have "New Moon"/"Eclipse"/"Breaking Dawn"? ( Me : On that table. Lots of 'em.) "Oh." ( A pause.) "Do you have them in hardcover/softcover/a size for my dog to read/cheaper/fancier/in a box set?" ( Me: Well, let's see: yes/ yes on two of them/ no, not ever/only the first one/again, only the first one/yes, but not in stock. THEY'RE ALL ON THE TABLE BEHIND YOU.) "Oh". ( A pause). "How much are they? " ( Me: ::slams forehead into the counter and begins to weep.::)

People are so fucking special. And by "special", I mean "retarded". I cannot fathom for the life of me how folks like these -- of which this is just a small slice!-- manage to get out of bed and put clothes on and function. I wonder if LA County should order a plethora of short yellow buses to shuttle them around just so they don't hurt themselves or others.

  • I'm trying to pick a film to see on Christmas Day. That's my tradition. I loathe the holiday, and even if I'm in a reasonable proximity to family, I nip out of the insanity and go to the movies. It makes me feel like I'm getting away with something, in a weird way, and it's much more satisfying for me to be in a theatre getting to watch something I've not had time to see than sitting around pretending to fawn over some present/baby/televised special. I've found that it's best to go to indie theaters on that day, since they're mostly empty and it is such a sweet experience to be one of six people in there quietly munching on popcorn, versus the mad crush at any googleplex in town. Last year I saw "Persepolis" and I was there in Beverly Hills, having gotten there with so little traffic it was almost enjoyable driving down Sunset ( !?!?!), and the film was tremendously moving. And about a week later, it disappeared from distribution and I was so glad I caught it.

This year, I'm thinking of "Doubt", with Meryl Streep/Phillip Seymour Hoffman or "Slumdog Millionaire" by Danny Boyle ( of "Trainspotting" et al, fame). I thought about "Australia", because I love me some Baz Lurhman and Hugh Jackman, but the 3 hour running time and the Nicole Kidman factor have me dithering. It's also not a small film, and likely to be out in wide release. I'm taking suggestions....but as I look, I don't see much. Have I missed something, or are indie films lacking anything of interest this year? Hard to tell.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for further updates...over and out.