I know you're all expecting my Post-Oscar Report about now, and I promise to get to that ( in the meantime, some highlights: boring, too many montages, men need to shave more for events like this and yes, it was raining, but what's up with the boring hair, ladies? Okay, more later). Right now, however, I have something more pressing going on:

My hair. Is. Fucked. I'm not just talking about it just not looking good these days. I'm talking about "Oh nooooo. I need a professional. " I'm talking about I almost cried. And am now in a panic because I have a job interview tomorrow for a job I actually want and it's at a HAIR STUDIO, and one, if not possibly TWO dates this week. Oh boy. Oh, and tomorrow? Well, having worked in many a spa and salon, I know ( in case you didnt!) that MOST of them are closed on Mondays. Yup. It's true.

Here's what happened:

I colored my hair last week. I was tired when went shopping that evening. They didn't have my regular color in stock. So I picked up something I *thought* was comparable ( Mistake #1). It wasn't. So I went back and tried to put on another color wash type thing ( a temp color) thinking it might brighten things up (Mistake #2). It didn't. The result was hair that was a very dark auburn brown, and made my complexion look like I'd been in chemo for a few weeks.

So I go back to the drugstore and buy this stuff called "Color Oops" . Dani used it once to great success, so I figured it was safe ( Mistake #3). It's meant to remove all the color, gently, and leave you with the color you started before your debacle began. Guess what? It didn't. I was blonde. And by blonde I mean Sammy Hagar, not dishwater. It was a little shocking at first, but I thought it was a good place to start from scratch ( Mistake #4). The box said to go ahead and color it properly if you so desired right away, so I did (Mistake #5).

And the result was a disaster. A DISASTER, I'm telling you!!! The roots of my hair are the Ginger Spice color we all know and love. The rest of my hair is black. And by black, I mean Jennifer Garner fading into India ink. It's bad. It's not only bad, it's OBVIOUSLY bad. The other color was not flattering, but this....this....this is "My friend Darlene did it at home over her kitchen sink. Can you pass me that pack of Marlboros and my Docs?" bad.

I should interject here that I've been coloring my hair since I was 17. I haven't always chosen well, but I know what the hell I'm doing. Only once before in the last 22 years have I fucked something up so badly I needed professional help. And that was when L'Oreal put the wrong color in the box.

ACCGCH! What am I gonna do? I mean, I clearly can't fix it myself, and will NOT chance another trip with Color Oops. I have to see a professional. Which I cannot afford, BTW....but ?????

Ohmygod,Ohmygod, Ohmygod, my kingdom for an aunt in cosmetology who could fix this on the cheap! But no, I suppose I will have to go trolling tomorrow for the rogue salon open on a Monday to repair this nightmare, and pray it doesnt start to break off in the sink if and when I do . Shit, shit, shit. *Sigh*.

So my Oscar commentary will have to wait. It's vain, yes, but I have a crisis to deal with! Wish me luck.