Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Jessica's Jeopardy Question of the Day, (for $0) : Name the item noted in these popular song titles: "That's What I Want", "Changes Everything", "Is a Drag".

I've been working on my budget all week, and today I made another effort to truly nail down the amount of money I actually expend during a month, nothing spared. Another pass at my financial picture still reveals if I were to:

1.) reduce my monthly dental payments to $180/mo (for 36 -cringe- months, versus the $360/mo for 18 months they'd prefer) and
2.) just get 6 more hours a week at my current job, I could not only save some money for a rainy day ( or crisis),AND I could afford to live like a real person, with a weekly trip to Starbucks, the occasional tube of mascara, and maybe even (gasp!!) an acting class, ( the whole fucking reason I'm bearing this hellhole to begin with).

Without that 6 extra hours, I'm left with a measly $83 a month to put into savings. Which is better than nothing or a stick in the eye, but certainly isn't going to move me any closer to my goals, career-wise. Or happiness-wise. I'll just stay where I am, and hold a pattern. Which frankly, after all I've been through just to get THIS far, isn't sounding too great.


Should I:

a.) go in a beg for 6 addn'l hours ( I haven't even passed my 90 day probabation yet, so the answer to that is likely "not this year")
b.) get a whole new job altogther ( pros: more money, less stress from the fucking computer/math dillemas faced daily? cons: that 20hrs = healthcare benefits that they offer could be helpful down the line when I finally get 20 hrs and/or need to/want to take the leap from govm't helathcare....)
c.) get a second crappy job that I can only work on Fri, Sat, Sun?

Ya know, I really enjoy being an adult. I'm one of those people who liked getting out of their childhood, and getting older, because it came with more freedom and power. Plus, sex is really fun. I LIKE it when the warnings for shows on tv say "adult themes". I actually sometimes go, "YAY!". And really, I've brought so much of the good stuff of my childhood with me, ( like creativity, spontanaeity, fun, silliness, play) that I don't feel I've left anything behind.

And then the trade-off comes, when you realize that work, work, work is pretty much what fills your days, and you've gotta be super lucky to get a job that you actually like and feel fufilled by to make the bills. And if you're reeeeaaalllly lucky, and work hard, you hit it big, where what you love brings in the $$. That's when you start staring out the window from your desk thinking, " Okay, maybe hitting it big is really just for a random few. But is it pointless to long for just a tad bit more? I've never even seen Paris. Or London. I always dreamed of just even being X, and can I even still do anything to get there???" And you start hating every teenager that skates by, because they have all those years in front of them. ( Well, and because they're damned annoying anyway). And you think maybe you ought to do something crazy like getting your nose pierced or another tattoo to shake it up a little, show yourself you're not in a boring rut and facing a future of ennui and existential angst.

At least that's what I do. How about you?