Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I'm posting this because I'm right there with Sassy, if you've read her blog ( I'm so lazy I don't even have it linked in my sidebar: ). Once again I find myself up for a job I could do, could probably swipe without even blinking from whatever naif wants it, too. Except I don't want it. Oh, I do want the money. I NEEEEEED the money. I just had a moment today where I was like: I can't DO this anymore.

What I can't do anymore is deal with my life as it is. I don't want the dumb jobs that don't pay me near enough for what I do, NOT commesurate with experience. At the same time, I don't want some job that has me working 40hrs a week for $50,000 a year, because I would surely end up crying into my coffee every day before I went there. I feel like such a whiner saying all this, like a spoiled brat who wants MORE MORE MORE> but I have to believe there's more out there for me.

I can't deal with the personals situation anymore; if I could get my money back right NOW I would. I've sent out at least 3 emails a day for the past 7 days. I see on my "Who's Viewing Me " list that the men do a drive by my profile. And nothing. I've looked at my profile, revamped, written, edited, had OTHER people look, make suggestions, and made changes and all I can think of is: I'm just not that titillating or model-sexy. Well, excuse me for being normal. I thought I was a pretty girl before this. I thought I was funny, and very smart and kind, and a good catch. Apparently, I was wrong. And I don't like that this dumb random system is having this effect on my self-esteem or hopes for the future.

( Side note: what's also sort of insane is that personals is owned by some company called Who cares,but in an unlikely mish-mash, they tend to throw in their other two personals sites, and into the same dating pool. Now, I know they're assuming that most of those people are funny and intelligent and up on the issues of the day. Correct, but can I just say, "?????" It's like making a salad of chuckling smarty-pants, snarky liberal intellectuals, and , well, intelligent perverts.--I mean "pervert" in a nice way.-- That to me is one weird, and somewhat unpalatable mix. )

I'm finding myself with little motivation anymore; I don't want to clean. I don't want to eat. I don't want to read. I want things to be different, and I don't know how that's supposed to happen. *sigh*.

At any rate, sometimes when I feel this way I go and remind myself that I could at least be of service. SO here it goes:

I haven't listed THIS in my sidebar, either, but I'm a big proponent of Project (RED), which is an organization started by Bono, et al to stop AIDS in Africa. It's at epidemic porportions, and the drugs we have in the developed world could easily stop it in its tracks. It's a matter of getting them there.

As those who know me well are aware of, I've been in and out of AIDS charities for the last 10 years or more, doing what I can to help the work continue. It's a cause I'm passionate about. I believe that there are too many moral contingencies and shame-based policies in place keeping this disease going. First it was because of the gays, and then it was because of ( ::whisper::) sex. I'm one of those people who can't stand the whole Puritan attitude about sex. People have it. People like it. It's a natural thing. Big whoop. And letting generations of people die because we're too skittish to discuss the ways to prevent it is an atrocity.....and that's what motivates me today.

What motivates Project (RED) is a bit of a twist on the same deal: those who have should stop the massive sweep of this disease through an entire continent, for those who have not. It could be said, "Why THIS and not another problem in a 3rd world country? Surely there are many." Yes, that's true. But this is by far the worst one seen in a century: over 70% of the ENTIRE CONTINENT is infected. Can you imagine what it would be like if 70% of the US were infected with HIV? It would be a crisis on every front imaginable: economic, social, political, health......and that's what is going on there.

Part of it is because, again, of proscribed beliefs about sex, and an unwillingness of certain policy-makers to approve of education. It's exacerbated by the lack of access to educational sites, due to extreme poverty. And that's just an unacceptable situation, to watch an entire continent drift away when the solutions are available for us to give.

AS Bono says: "It's not charity. It's justice." And he's right: it's not about shelling out more and more dollars to an endless pit of need. It's about doing our duty as a human being to another human being, not standing by and watching. In this life, you don't get to stand on the sidelines. You have no business being standing around, hands in pockets, not making eye contact with the rest of the population, if you're living and making use of the world's resources. This is just my opinion, but : it is an ethical imperitve to give back. Whatever you're capable of is enough; whether that means you take your time to raise good children, you throw a few pennies into the bell-ringers' pot at Christmas; you pay it forward in kind action when you can, you smile and say "thanks" to the grocery clerk like she's a person one afternoon. It's not that hard. It really isn't.

Project (RED) not only stands on its own, but it linked with another organization called ( which is about dropping global debt and reducing extreme poverty in 3rd world nations NOT through handouts, but by fair renegotiation of their debt with 1st world countries. ( This started out through another larger organizaton called DATA: Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa, that was also helped by Bobby Shriver . It helps to create opportunites by allowing places like Africa to participate in fair trade, with fair tariffs for the first time in hundereds of years, allowing them to get out of the hole themselves and have some dignity and pride. Project (RED) is just addressing the bleed where it starts: the health epidemic that makes all that work null and void, first.

And it's very easy to be a part of it. Just this Valentine's Day, Hallmark made these great efforts to make fun products that are cool as hell. So even if you can't afford the more expensive stuff like the Gap items, ( which are damned cool, anyway), you can afford a greeting card. I couldn't believe how rocking this stuff was, and of course, I bought alot of it. Find out more, here:

I get excited about these things. And when I'm sitting around thinking my life has no meaning, I think, well, at least there's reason for hope in another way. And I can be that drop in the bucket that goes somewhere. At least.