Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I don't know what happened, --or rather, I do, since I was there-- I just lost it tonight in the 99 Cent Store parking lot.

I've been having a rather tough go of it in the past 3 weeks- my new job is very stressful, and not paying me enough money. I'm overdue on every imaginable bill,--in the 100s of $$-- plus I have that $6500 dental thing looming. Lately I've been IN the dentist's office 3x a week to get my crowns properly fitted. Yesterday morning and today I woke up in excruciating pain- I'd been grinding my teeth again, and biting down on said new crowns. ( bite guard doesn't come for another month). I've been fighting off this cold and attempting to do so trying to take some weird herbs from the acupuncturist in the office. My adventures in the personals have been very crappy- last week I had to tell someone--politely-- I wasn't interested ( which you think he might have picked up on during the tremendously boring date), and he took it badly, making me feel like an asshole. Two weeks ago a guy I really like turned out to be quite the hissy-fit maker when I wasn't psychic and didn't read his mind that he was havig too much serious job trouble to call me- silly me for thinking he Just Wasn't That Into Me. THIS week I got hit on for a few days by yet another cute guy who turns out to be MARRIED. I'm hitting them out of the park.

SO I guess when that old Latina lady crawled up my ass in the postage stamp sized parking lot and refused to back up when I was trying to back out, and then proceeded to try and yell at me through her side window and direct me by honking every time I got close to her car, I just had had ENOUGH. I put my car in park, got out of it, walked up to her car, and yelled, "LISTEN TO ME! MY CAR DOESN"T HAVE THAT MUCH TURNING RADIUS!! BACK UP!!!"

Too bad she was busy yelling directions at me at the same time or else she might have heard how very, very pissed this white girl was, and would have been prepared for it when I finally managed to eke my way out of the 4" space I had left to try and turn in, and then flipped her off, repeatedly.

I swear to all that is holy, I have never, EVER gotten out of my car before, unless there was some sort of wreck or impact. I rarely flip people off in traffic, as I feel that's a good way to get shot. I do get royally impatient when I drive, but I really don't think that's the issue. I think I'm losing it, and that freaks me out.

Where did I get so much anger and frustration that some minor altercation at the frickin' 99 Cent Store has me getting all up in someone's grill, literally? I don't DO that kind of shiz. I've been known to have a temper, and god knows I'm moody, but this is way outside of Normal Jessie. The last time I got this good and mad was when I found out about Tony pulling his shit, and none of that's going around this time. Maybe I'm just fed up by life, sort of, feeling futile and stupid for trying to keep it all going when everything, somehow feels like it's conspiring against me. I don't know. I just don't know.