Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

For the record, I want to elucidate the following things, and then move on:

With regards to my dating dillemmas, I always value everyones' input, as long as it's not diminishing them. My response to your commentary is thus:

1.) I've left it as it stands, and if nothing happens, nothing happens. I'm certainly not going to chase him down, or something crazy, and I'll do my best not to lament it all too long. I'm letting it go and writing it off, because there's just no use trying to make something work that has only one fucking date behind it. I really like the guy, but he's not the only fish in the sea.

2.) For those who have expressed how much anxiety I'm having, and I would say, YES. I need to relax more if I plan on surviving this whole experience. I also want to point out, however, that this is a big risk for me to be taking, dating at all, so please give me some slack for panicking every once in awhile.
Because as of this moment, I want to say that the only thing that is currently increasing my anxiety is not getting any credit for taking a risk here, from him ( although I wouldn't expect it that much, just in what is mentioned below, re: Things He Expected Me to Know) or anyone else.
Because of as today, when it fucks up, somehow, it's all MY fault for not knowing Some Arcane Dating Rule , or What He's Been Going Through or That I Should Have Shut Up and Not Said Anything, Since You're Going To Scare Him Off or Maybe He's Just Not That Into You, or Whatever.

That's not fair. It just ISN'T. I am making this up as I go along, and based on the information I have regarding Me/Him at any given time, my gut, and opinions from alot of sideline pundits who have been asked for information when something I'm confused about crops up. I appreciate the time and effort, but that doesn't give you a right to take me down when I make a mistake, or I don't know what I'm doing, or it all goes to shit. It really doesn't help.

Thanks. What helps is knowing I'm getting some credit for fumbling through this, and sorting out what I can. After all.....

All I know is that:
a.) I like him
b.) When I like someone, I call them
c.) Believe it or not, men KNOW how to use the phone
d.) Unless the shit has hit the fan in my life, a week is a reasonable amount of time to expect a call
e.) Usually if I like someone, AND the shit has hit the fan, I call anyway, explain, and buy myself some time, so that they aren't sitting there going , "????" or "Fuck her."
f.) Men often say they will call and don't, because they're trying not to be a jerk.
g.) Men often use the "I'm really busy" excuse as reason for not following up with you, usually because they don't like to be a jerk.
h.) Both men and women know all of the above with the exception of "e", which is always up for debate.

Since I consider myself to be a relatively sane individual, I think all of the above are reasonable dating strategies to go by. I suppose it's all up for debate, but you have to sort of having a working theory to go with, unless you're expecting to go on "Rock of Love" any time soon and throw all of your morals/standards/self-esteem out the window, anyway.

Now, to recap:
1.) We went out last Sat, had a great time, and yes, he did mention some dustup at work and some long hours, but not that he didn't have it under control, or that he was in a blind panic.
2.) He said he'd call. He didn't call. I'm not happy, but I give it some time.
3.) I got a short email on Tuesday saying he was really busy.
4.) I emailed him on Thursday asking how he was doing and if he wanted to get together this weekend
5.) I called him on Friday asking the same thing
6.) I heard nothing, and tired of feeling yanked around, emailed him that note Saturday
7.) Received an email from him Sunday shocked and offended that I didn't take his word for "being really busy" .

Since "e" is always up for debate, in review of the recap one could argue that I am being a hard ass, and while that might be true, I suppose people's standards/expectations/strategies for dating are always different.
Frankly, even if I WAS just an anxiety-ridden, despereate, needy bitch, one could STILL argue that he's just being a clueless male who thinks I'm psychic or that I'm going to automatically assume that it's not the Same Old Bullshit I've heard before, or I Should Know Better Because He's Different.
Granted, I concede that I may have jumped the gun a little, and so on and so forth, but sitting around wondering "What the hell?" has never been my forte. I'm more prone to put it all out there, and goddammit, if it was the wrong thing to do, then I guess I'm going to die alone. Or at least without this guy. It's just as well I find out now, I suppose.

And while that may make me unhappy for at least a week, since I really liked him, I suppose I'll live and go on to the next miserable dating extravaganza.

God, this week has sucked rocks. I can only look forward to what great fun The Universe has in store for me next week, as Mercury Retrograde continues to kick me all the way through the next three weeks. Yippe yi yay.