FINALLY, once more, the Christmas season has passed with no fatalities, emotional or otherwise. I really hate Christmas. I know that's unpopular, so although I whine about it, I won't come out and say that to just anyone. But it's not a favorite time of year for me, so I just try and get through December til the New Year without much fuss. I like the gift exchanging, food, and tradition of some of it, but the ramapant craziness that takes over (in general and in my family) makes me really stressed out. I usually go out lunch and then to a movie ( had a lovely brunch with Jeannie- Joannie was with her daddy that morning--and my new friend Luddy. Then we saw Sherlock Holmes" which was FANTASTIC. )
So, today I actually had company in being a singular entity which was fun ( but isn't always the case- which is another reason I hate Christmas- if you don't have a family, it can be lonely, for no other reason than it's a cultural IMPERATIVE you SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE or you're a sad soul or something, like Valentine's Day...).
Later, Annie and Davy came home...oh, yeah. There's a story there...
After all the mayhem of getting here and settling in, and confirming her opposition to Ed, she spent the night at there Christmas Eve because it was "easier" and Davy fell asleep. If Ed had any big plans for Christmas, maybe that would have made SOME sense, but he didn't. Even so, I was like "AAAAGGHGHG! You're shooting yourself in the foot! Pretty soon he's gonna be all like, "Why don't you just move in, it will be easier" and you'll be all "I'm tired of not seeing my son". " Then I told her she was a grown-up and could make these decisions on her own, but she knew better than to keep this up, and this time could be seen a a "quickie holiday solution" by the courts, but if she did it again, it wouldnt. It was just an odd choice because she was so empowered the day before, making him take Davy by himself while we went shoppping, Davy even spent the night there at Ed's alone, did well and yet.....? She had been so strong and everything, I was so proud of her. Then Christmas? I was discouraged.
However, a Christmas Miracle occurred, and she came home and said, "That was the worst idea." *WHEW*. I would have hated to see her cave under stress and go back. What a waste that would be.
Anyway, we had some silly fun we they got home: I had bought him some little things, and he had a good time which was a lot of fun. Of course, it got me feeling all heartsick about my own reproductive possibilities......hopefully, I'll have kids too and have that for myself someday (um, someday? SOON? Like, REAL SOON? Like My-Ovaries-Are-Gonna-Give-Up-Any-Second-Soon? Maybe I should freeze my eggs. SEE? This is what this kind of holiday does to me. I go into this panic because my life isn't all I expected at this point, even though it's FINE, and I have plenty of other options- like adoption, or..or...-- and no one's life always works out how they plan and so on...)...
Which brings us back around as to why Christmas sucks. All of that shit gets pushed to the forefront, when on every other day of the year I can at least muddle through thinking my life is actually okay. New Year's is just as bad, in terms of "Who am I going to kiss at midnight?" Heh. I haven't kissed anyone at midnight in.....6 years. And this year I got the sniffles and stayed home, watching Ryan Seacrest and a very old, orange Dick Clark. ( Seriously Dick, it's time to give it up. I'm just sayin': if I were in that shape, no WAY would I appear on television.).
Overall, though, I got some lovely, absolutely lovely gifts and again, escaped relatively unscathed. Now the Christmas decorations are put away, life returns to normal, and I keep my mind focused on how 2010 is going to be so much better than the weird decade prior and the horrible year that was 2009. I suspect I have many cohorts and supporters in this notion. Amen to that, and Blessed be. Blessings to everyone and to every house this year. For real, for sure, yeah.
So, today I actually had company in being a singular entity which was fun ( but isn't always the case- which is another reason I hate Christmas- if you don't have a family, it can be lonely, for no other reason than it's a cultural IMPERATIVE you SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE or you're a sad soul or something, like Valentine's Day...).
Later, Annie and Davy came home...oh, yeah. There's a story there...
After all the mayhem of getting here and settling in, and confirming her opposition to Ed, she spent the night at there Christmas Eve because it was "easier" and Davy fell asleep. If Ed had any big plans for Christmas, maybe that would have made SOME sense, but he didn't. Even so, I was like "AAAAGGHGHG! You're shooting yourself in the foot! Pretty soon he's gonna be all like, "Why don't you just move in, it will be easier" and you'll be all "I'm tired of not seeing my son". " Then I told her she was a grown-up and could make these decisions on her own, but she knew better than to keep this up, and this time could be seen a a "quickie holiday solution" by the courts, but if she did it again, it wouldnt. It was just an odd choice because she was so empowered the day before, making him take Davy by himself while we went shoppping, Davy even spent the night there at Ed's alone, did well and yet.....? She had been so strong and everything, I was so proud of her. Then Christmas? I was discouraged.
However, a Christmas Miracle occurred, and she came home and said, "That was the worst idea." *WHEW*. I would have hated to see her cave under stress and go back. What a waste that would be.
Anyway, we had some silly fun we they got home: I had bought him some little things, and he had a good time which was a lot of fun. Of course, it got me feeling all heartsick about my own reproductive possibilities......hopefully, I'll have kids too and have that for myself someday (um, someday? SOON? Like, REAL SOON? Like My-Ovaries-Are-Gonna-Give-Up-Any-Second-Soon? Maybe I should freeze my eggs. SEE? This is what this kind of holiday does to me. I go into this panic because my life isn't all I expected at this point, even though it's FINE, and I have plenty of other options- like adoption, or..or...-- and no one's life always works out how they plan and so on...)...
Which brings us back around as to why Christmas sucks. All of that shit gets pushed to the forefront, when on every other day of the year I can at least muddle through thinking my life is actually okay. New Year's is just as bad, in terms of "Who am I going to kiss at midnight?" Heh. I haven't kissed anyone at midnight in.....6 years. And this year I got the sniffles and stayed home, watching Ryan Seacrest and a very old, orange Dick Clark. ( Seriously Dick, it's time to give it up. I'm just sayin': if I were in that shape, no WAY would I appear on television.).
Overall, though, I got some lovely, absolutely lovely gifts and again, escaped relatively unscathed. Now the Christmas decorations are put away, life returns to normal, and I keep my mind focused on how 2010 is going to be so much better than the weird decade prior and the horrible year that was 2009. I suspect I have many cohorts and supporters in this notion. Amen to that, and Blessed be. Blessings to everyone and to every house this year. For real, for sure, yeah.
posted by Jessica @ 2:30 AM
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