Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

.....And the Fun Train stops short.

Yesterday was a bad day, and today is shaping up no better.

What has my knickers in a twist? Well, let's start with a New Year's Resolution:

Goddammit, I went and joined Salon Personals, because I'm going to be 39 ( !!!!!) this year, and it's beginning to look like the convent is going to be the option. I met some woman the other day who was 50 and had never married. Frankly, I would throw myself off a cliff if that happened. I can't imagine being this lonely and alone for so long... Don't get me wrong, I like my solitary life, to an extent. But I really don't want to live this way, I never did, and it's just getting to be too much. If people don't start trying to understand that and stop minimizing it, I'm going to start yelling.... don't say you haven't been warned.

So I was up emailing someone. I don't know about it, we'll have to see. He's quite verbose ( a writer) so there's alot to respond to. I remain on the fence for one particular reason about him, although he is quite cute and smart and funny and good-hearted ( the reason I chose Salon Personals in the first place.). He disclosed on his profile that he has a "penchant toward mild kink" and while he didn't feel it was neccessarily appropriate to just blurt that out without even shaking hands first, apparently recent dating experiences had him feeling that it might be more helpful to him and whomever he might date in the future if he threw it on the table right up front.

I liked his profile up til that last paragraph so much that I decided to just email and ask, "okay, what are we dealing with here??" He wrote back, and was quite polite and candid, and surprisingly tactful ( read: not sleazy, dirty or weird) in sharing this information. It was like I asked him, "So, what kind of coffee do you like? Do you mind telling me?" and he answered, "Why, I brought up coffee first, so of course it's fine of you to ask. I prefer to tell you so we don't waste time making the wrong kind of decisions, re: coffee compatibility. I like French Roast, etc. etc., but I'm not going to be drinking that at your mom's house, if you're worried....if you too, might be up for some French Roast, or even some Holiday Spice Blend, we could perhaps get to know one another. Thank you so much for considering coffee with me. If you like, we can talk about other topics now."

Okay, that was a pretty goofy analogy. But you get the picture.

My response was also candid ( I won't go into it, I'm sure you don't want those images in your head). The gist: I can handle some of it, but not all of it. I told him what I was down with from his list, specified that those were my boundaries, and that given he was the one with all the predilictions, I could only set them out there and let him decide what he was willing to compromise/concede, on the basis of what he was truly interested in experiencing with someone else. And of course I was quite polite and thank you for sharing, and you are very interesting and nice to talk to, and I don't think you're weird, and we'll speak again.

So last night he emails further and seems to think that although our interests don't overlap by much, that we might well be compatible anyway, since he can take or leave most of it, and so on and so forth. He stressed repeatedly that he leaves it at the bedroom door and that he is quite respectful and sweet and honorable in every other way. I did manage to surmise that, as like I said, he's so prosaic and pedestrian in his conversation about this Topic that we might well be talking about breakfast items. He also specified that he realized that we were indeed putting the cart before the horse and by no means was he looking for any kind of oddity/hook-up/unbalanced top-heavy scenario, and that all of it depended on meeting each other and developing every thing else first anyway.

So I emailed back, and specified the concerns I had that maybe it wouldn't work, I don't know, hmm, and erm, and so on and so forth. THAT was what took me a long time to write.
My overall feeling about it is that I've been thinking about it, and I don't think it's probably a good match. I just feel that I'm probably going to err on the side of "too vanilla" ( it's all relative, after all) for him in the long run, and that will probably frustrate him after awhile. Or, frankly, I'm going to always wonder, "Um, when is the really kinky stuff going to hit? Is it going to? Is he going to go too far one day and I"ll end up reflexively kicking him in the shins?" I suppose that the latter could happen at any time with any partner- after all, it's not rocket science here, and we all try stuff/push the envelope with um, *spontaneous acts* occasionally that just ring WRONG. Still.

At any rate, it's pointless to know untill I know him better and see if he's a pervert or just a nice, decent man with a few random idiosyncrasies. It would be a shame if things didn't match up, because he is VERY smart and funny and CUTE. But alas, we all have to be grown-ups.

Jesus. I can't believe I posted that for public viewing. Oy.


In other areas, I have a job interview today; or I did. (More on that later). For that a spa that originally was interested in me before I got my present job. Yesterday at Current Job was was bad toward the end. Like I left crying in frustration and feeling overwhelmed, which I would NEVER do unless I've been there awhile and then only if someone has been screaming at me for about an hour straight ( see: Last Job, and Why I Left.)
They have this crazy computer system, one of those Mega-Managers that not only books appointments, but regulates payroll, the cash drawer, all gift certificates and treatment packages, client databases, etc. at once. So, when you want to check someone out, it's this 5-step proccess so that the whole system can be rectfied. Good Christ, it's a wonder it doesn't do my hair. They swear learning this byzantine computer system will get easier, but I kind of freaked out because the asst. mgr said I need to know it by next week as she isn't in on the days I am!! EVER. I flat out told her I need more time....they were all compassionate and "It will get easier! Give it time! It will be okay!!" and they obviously want me to succeed. But I'm taking a pay cut to be there and I'm already seeing the ways it's making up for what I'm NOT doing in it's complexity, which has me feeling defeated and like I can't get ahead.

Besides, I need money bad. I'm not in dire straits, but I just DO NOT know how I'm going to float that $2500 for the crowns to top the root canals.....I applied for financing and am praying that goes through, but my credit is laughably bad. Unfortunately, the work needs to be done ASAP. Like as soon as I can physically be in that chair, since the composite in the three teeth he did only lasts for a short period of time, and we can't proceed to the last two untill the bottom three are crowned ( long, stupid dental detailed story which I will spare you.)

Plus I still owe on this computer, etc, I'm behind on all my bills because of being out of work. I don't want to ask mom and dad for $$, so I am going to have to make it. If I have to take a second job, for now, so be it. I REALLY need a bed ( frame) and that's $$ too.

So THEN, we move on to Today:

This morning I hit the alarm and rolled over. I woke up late for interview, but in enough time to pull it together if I gunned it. I get out of bed, and mid-sprint, I discover my power has been turned off. FUCK.

Call power company. I wait on hold. Meanwhile, precious minutes of my Gap Time are ticking away. Finally someone answers: I forgot to pay and I'm overdue. Shit. Okay, here's my debit card...oh, new policy: I have to call the payment center, make a payment, and call Burbank Water and Power back with a confirmation number. I call payment center and of course, it's some ridiculous set of key prompts that takes twice as long as it should. I call back BWP, and I'm back on hold. I look at the (battery powered) clock, and I've used all my Sprint Time to make it to interview. Finally I get someone on the phone give them the #, and hang up.

I then call the interview location and inform them of my dillemma, and whomever promises to have Owner and Interviewer call me as soon as they arrive. So I run to bathroom, groom with window light, and then have a quick cup of coffee. NO call. I call spa, and Owner got my message and then left. "She'll call you later, she said," says Idiot On Phone. *Sigh*. Fuck. The Irony: I had set coffeemaker to brew at 11:00. When I got out of bed at 12:45, there was coffee, and it was still warm. Which means power co. didn't turn off power til about 30 minutes before I woke up. Jackasses.

On the later agenda for today, Lynnie is going to TRY to serve Pseudo-Cop Boy tomorrow, and god only knows if it will happen. Our court date is Feb 8, so I need to serve toot suite. I had no idea when the court date WAS, as no one pointed out to me that it was at the bottom of he papers. HELLO? Thank God my Lawyer Pal pointed it out. He also pointed out that since I'd waited two years to file, he wasn't so sure the judge would give a shit about this dude impersonating a cop. That pretty much deflated my little righteous balloon. I wonder if it will all be worth it.

Good times. I think I need a cookie and a hug. *Sigh*.