Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Call me Sydney Bristow: case solved.

The culprit was indeed Rattlesnake. I was right. Its classic Rsnake: secretive, sly and more amusing to himself than others, even if there's a slight ( and questionable) altruistic streak running through it . He said he was sorry it was upsetting, but he meant well, and wasn't it kind of funny? Kind of. I kind of see how he meant well and I kind of see how it was funny. All's well that ends well, right?

Well, no.

See, I'm 39 years old, and I don't have the patience, emotional fortitude or time for this kind of stuff. Primarily since I joined a specific site after being involved in two others and shopping around for the RIGHT place for me. I joined it because I thought the chances of my finding a certain kind of man might be higher. ( And I was right). I didn't join the site he was using to pick up men for me, because it is notoriously full of skanks and weirdos. And always surprising and unfortunately unbeknownst to those who don't live here, in LA, you can count on that ratio tripling, I'm here to report.

Plus, if anyone has been paying attention, I've been through enough ENOUGH ENOUGH internet drama over the past year and a half to last a lifetime. And I've been through more pain and relationship drama than I care to review. I'm skittish about dating, and understandably so. I'm just sort of getting my feet under me, and I need to be able to do it at my rate and with my own intuition going in. This isn't "Must Love Dogs" , with John Cusack showing up Deux Ex Machina style in the middle of a crappy predicatable plotline to save a single gal whose meddling-but-well-meaning sister creates an online profile for her. This is real life, with real people, really real situations and feelings. Given that Reality Factor always exists on the flip side of these kinds of fantasy daydreams or misty-eyed, semi-intoxicated notions conjured up over too many Amaretto Sours, the whole idea, let alone putting it into action, was out of line. It couldn't have been more unethical, foolish, caddish in it's skullduggery, or just plain stupid.

But enough. Enough about it for now. More important things loom on my dating horizon beyond solving meddling capers:

I had a DATE last night and I've got another one TOMORROW night.

Date with Boy #1 ( We'll call him Jack) was lovely. (This was actually our SECOND date.I made it to a second date. Alert the media). We went to Griffith Observatory, which has been restored and is very cool. Kinda romantic. He's very sweet, a therapist for a rehab, and quite funny and bright. We discussed my Dating Boundaries right up front since I am dating around, and so is he. We're on the same page- no one is in a rush to go to bed untill a relationship is going to begin. He's very polite and he walked me to my door, and while I didn't expect much in the kissing department, since he's rather quiet and shy, I was pleasantly surprised. Apparently quiet and shy dont neccessarily equal timid and reticient. Nice.

Date tomorrow with Boy #2 is The Boy Rattlesnake Picked (whom we'll call BB). We're meeting for dinner at PF Changs, and he insists on paying old school style, insists on dressing up, insists on being a gentleman. ( Re: NO "Come with me to the Casbah" bullshit flirting, no sex on the first date--or anytime before I'm not the Only Girl In The Picture) , no anything inappropriate. Fun, conversation and flirting and banter and a nice time. We've been talking for about two weeks now. He's quite a handful- a Gemini (::eye roll:: sorry, all my Twin friends, I love you, but y'all can make a girl want to tear her hair out with the squirelly things you sometimes do), and **zip **zip **zip** all over the place-- he's an animator, how ironic.
And when he gets nervous he starts going off into looooooong diatribes concerning His Opinions On Everything, Some of Which He Needs to Refine Better Before He Opens His Mouth. This has a propensity to bring conversations to a screeching halt while everyone in a 5 mile radius is freezing from the Cold Abstract Theories he's spining and dropping their jaws to the Unbelievably Un-PC Bullshit he's spewing. Meanwhile, I try to control myself from unleashing My Strong Opinions and Putting Him In His Place, in the Heel to Throat Style I'm so partial to at times like that.
But he knows it's an issue , and sincerely tries to stop it before it begins. Since I've gotten to know him, I know he has a good heart, but an adolescent kneejerk defense system, so I try to laugh at some of the things I know he's trying to throw out as provocative or just plain silly. We seem to have worked out a decent system so far.
He's also aware of the dating sitch, he's seeing other people too, and on the same page it's all been hammered out over the last two weeks ad naseum. I do appreciate his honesty and candor, though...). Oh, and hello: this one is smoking HOT.

(Devil's Advocate Note: I suppose I could say "At least Rsnake picked well" : he would know, having been my Best Gay Boyfriend during college and seeing very clearly what I was looking for, having paid attention and heard about it from very close range, over and over.

Still, he also got LUCKY: first, we haven't been close in years (-- largely because I'd seen him pull this kind of shit on others and didn't want to be the next target. I loved him dearly, and I suspect the feeling was mutual, but I stopped trusting him and that's a massive blow to any friendship....). What he knows about my needs at this point might be needing a radical update. Not to mention, I speak to him about once a year and now he wants to help?? WTF??

Second, his unbelievable arrogance in taking on something so private and personal as my- or anyone's, for that matter-- dating life for his own pet project without my consent could have put me at risk to have met a real psycho, regardless of his best intentions. About which I remain suspicious, anyway, as it plays out as a really crude and thoughtless joke at my expense. He doesn't seem to get it: his comment was "If you two end up getting married, I want a really big present." Uh, yeah, right. I'll be getting back to you on that one.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

But finally this online dating has an upside, weird interjected asides aside: at least I'm having fun and getting some much-needed male attention from some pretty nice, attractive guys. As long as they don't have a freezer full of body parts in their storage units, it's still nice for my self esteem even if it doesn't go anywhere. Maybe this is what my therapist meant by "having fun" on dates. Then again, my therapist has been married for like 10 years, so she could be thinking it was fun just for vicarious reasons. Of which I keep reminding her in our sessions.

Let's just pray it stays fun and relatively drama free, that love and vitality keep pouring in positively regardless of outcomes, and that in the end, good things come to those who wait for the right man. Okay? Amen to that.