Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


**banging head against wall, yet again.**

File under: Internet Dating, Dating in the 21st century, Dating in Los Angeles, Men's Inability to Communicate, Expectant Psychic Phenomena from Men to Women, Mercury Retrograde Starts Tomorrow, Everyone Ends Up Miserable Anyway So Why Bother? :

It's true I didn't call, but I did email you to explain what's going in my life. To recap: My job is ending so I'm trying to find a new one and am taking interviews. Unless I want to lose my job immediately, I still have to get things done and if I'm out the entire afternoon for an interview, that means I'm stuck at the office until 10 pm. My commute is an hour each way, which means I've been getting home anywhere between 9:30 and 11 pm, at which time I get on the computer to look for job leads, work on cover letters, etc. At the moment I have 70 emails in my inbox, 20 of which I haven't even read. Last, I'm two weeks past my deadline to deliver a script I'm being paid to write. It's unfortunate that all of those things collided and created a perfect storm. No one's more unhappy about it than me. Woe is me, blah blah blah. I don't expect your sympathy, but I did expect you to recognize that I was being honest with about what's going on. I'm disappointed that, despite that effort, you decided to assume it was about you anyway.

Good luck, Jessica.

WHAT EFFORT??? Um, when I saw him on Saturday, he did explain he was in the process of losing his job. But he ALSO said he would likely be placed within the company (Big Corporate Studio) and while he was staying late, and it was taking up alot of time, he wasn't overly worried. Or that's how he played it off.

-I did know about all those things, but I didn't have any idea of the scope of them. It would have been helpful to have had the details explained a bit more, and I would have definitely been able to handle it.
As it stood, I had NO CLUE as to what precisely was happening. When we spoke last, you made it sound much smaller than it was. It's not too far of a jump to go from, "I haven't spoken to him in a week, and his last email was 3 days ago" to "Maybe he's just not that into me." Wouldn't you agree?
I DO like you. I AM interested. I DO want to see you again. In the future, though, give me a clearer picture of what's going on, and KNOW you can call me AT ANY TIME, ( I'm up late, very often); from the car, at 1am, WHATEVER, and if I'm not there, leave a message, letting me know you're still around, and still interested. THAT'S ALL I ask. That's all I was expecting in the first place.

I think it's pretty reasonable, and I think sometimes men get caught up in stuff and don't realize that if the women around them don't get details, it's not clear as to what the fuck is happening, especially when they're new to your life. I think women in that position, (i.e. me) are quick to assume the worst. That's an unfortunate situation. It's not unfixable.

I'm giving you an opening here to try this again, and I hope you give me one as well. We had such a wonderful connection. I don't want to throw it away. Do you?

I'll hope to hear from you next, shortly.

I mean, seriously. What, am I psychic? I called him on Friday, and he couldn't pick up the goddamned phone to say, "Hey, I've got this script I'm working on, and I don't have any time this weekend"? or " I wish I could see you but I'm drowning in work? I'm still interested"? A 5 minute phone call when he got up for a soda??

Seriously. Men astonish me in their unbelievable stupidity.

I'm giving him another shake, here, and ONLY because I've been really bummed at the notion of not seeing him again. But a.) I pretty much expect him to just get all pissy and give me the kiss-off, as he's obviously pretty mad that I didn't read his mind the first time and I'm just making it all about ME (um, what?) and b.) unless he really makes an effort to be concillatory with me a little bit, I'm just going to give up.

The only reason he's getting a second shot is because he's got a good excuse. A REALLY good excuse. But if he doesn't want to play nice about it, well, that's an indicator that he might NEVER play nice, and I don't need any of that. No way, no how.

**Sighing**. I really, really hate dating. I hate boys. I hate this whole stinking thing.

I really wish he'd call. Oy. ARGHGHGGH!