Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Desperation Breeds Hilarity.....

Sassy's commentary on my List O' Dental Horrors:

  • " 1 night guard so I won't grind my teeth anymore "
This had me picturing a balding fat guy in a rent-a-cop uniform snoozing at your bedroom door.

My response:

Like what was he gonna do, bitch-slap me awake every time I started?
"Wake up! WAAAAAKKKKE UPPPPPP!!!" ::smacking sounds::

It might be cheaper.

...and a Little Contempt:

Scientology: A trip to Crazytown?
On the front page today:

FYI: I realized that there's some terminology in there that won't make sense if you're out of the loop.
SP: Suppressive Person. An evil or negative person, someone who speaks in genreralities and vaguarities; a person who talks negatively about Scientology. It's said that Scientology keeps a list of all known people who have done so.
KWS: Keeping Scientology Working, a set of directives from L. Ron to make sure Scientology lasted for hundreds of years.
"tech": short for technology, the Science of Mind, the proccess of using the "tools" to manage your life.
LRH: well, that'd be L. Ron Hubbard, of course.

If you can get through the thing without nodding off, it's seriously worth it; Cheesy Announcer Voice at the end of this insider Scientology vid (from their organization on how he's changing the world and bringing new members to the fold, and getting some award for that within the church), is SO bad, it's great.

None of it makes any goddamned sense, of course. But I think my friend Millie sums it up well:

You have to help, because you Know. And, they know you Know. And, you know that they Know you Know. And so, you've got to do IT. You're either in IT, or you're out of it. Because you Know.

How'd I do so far? :)

To which I responded:

You know, I think you Know. I think you Know you Know, which is helpful. And that will help you helping others, and help them Know, so they can help.

*Snif.* It's just so danged beautiful.

And Maybe A Little of Both:

"I was in San Francisco once and I saw a guy brush his hair with a dead bird and then propose to a mailbox. But according to my notes here....uh, let's see...yes. Yes. He has officially dropped to #2 on the list of the most insane things I have ever seen."

That's a direct quote there from whomever's running that blog at He's gotta be the meanest person I've ever read ( and that's sayin' something....) but THAT is hilarious.

THEN I'm in CVS ( a drugstore, kinda like Wal-Greens) waiting for a prescription. I catch the eye of this guy who's walking past, and a sudden wave of recognition hits me. I've seen him before...where? He gives me direct eye contact and then quickly looks away like he recognizes ME. I'm standing there in line going, "WHERE have I seen him before? Work. Is he a client? No. Did we go to,no way. Was he a waiter somewhere...???"

THEN it hits me: it's the 43-yr-old virgin guy from "The Pick-Up Artist." He got booted for being too shy,nervous, stiff, somewhere early on in the show. Well, he thinks I recognized him when I made eye contact and so he got a little "uh-oh" on me, as I have seen many a public figure do when I encounter them in such pedestrian places as CVS, McDonalds, Starbucks.... But how weird is that that he's in my drugstore?

Even weirder: I'm standing there thinking, "Do I know him from work?" What a colossal brain malfunction. I call Sassy and tell her, "I just saw 43-yr-od-virgin guy in CVS. And I couldn't figure out where I knew him from. I kept thinking I knew him PERSONALLY or in passing in REAL LIFE. Is that fucked up or what???"

Typically Sassy, she says:

"Well, it's a good thing he left when he did, 'cause maybe he'd try to work his mojo on ya!"

MmHmm. And gotten a kick in the shins for it. I'm not sure who should be more embarrassed, me or him: I'm the idiot who thought she saw him serving my coffee at Starbucks....I'm so fucking lame and catty! Oy!!

And now, we're ALL going to hell, I'm pretty sure of it. At least it will be an entertaining trip....