I was wrong: Mr. Naughty ( he does have a real name. I'm trying to think of a good alias for it, as it is--oh ha ha ha-- the same name as a recent ex of mine, but I kind of like this one. Tee hee.) was swayed by my email. "What a happy coincidence," he writes. "I would still like to meet you. What is your schedule like?"

Good god, am I somehow going to get some nookie for my birthday? I know, how crude. Listen: when you're where I am about it, being coy is pointless.