Not In Kansas Anymore...

Click your heels, and see if home is where you hang your hat, or somewhere else inside yourself as this simple, postmodern girl takes on L.A.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Well, that was fast....

So, I went for a interview this afternoon at the Museum of Tolerance( in Beverly Hills) and they offered me the job on the spot! No credit check. No background check. NO NOTHING!!! Just "pending my referrences", and most of those should be fine. There's only one guy on there that I had to track down from my museum days that I'm not sure they'll be able to get on the phone ( because he never answers it OR checks his email...); other than that, I think I'm good to go! I start Monday, anyway, or so they told me...
Plus, the Head of HR lives in Sherman Oaks ( in the Valley, like me) so I got a few tips on how to get over there to Really Expensive Real Estate Land without the haul down the 405. That's a BIG relief. I'm not getting paid anything big to drive 35 miles to work and back....
Which isn't to say it pays TOO much less than I'm making now ( 25cents less than The Boutique), and I can work up to 29 hours in there if I so choose. I don't know if I'd choose that, since I went through the museum today and it is suuuuuuuuper depressing. Not like I'd think it was a skip-de-tra-la-la-la through park or anything, but they give you this "passport" with a real Holocaust victim on it, and at various points in the museum, you slip the card into a reader to find out how he/she is progressing. At the end of the tour you find out whether "you" lived or died. Mine was a 4 year old girl who, I found out later, was gassed to death in Terezin at 4 1/2. Naturally, that did not make my day.
I get that it is a powerful teaching tool, and this is important work. I just don't know if I can help people through all that every day of the week and not feel like going home and downing a bottle of Scotch! I mean, it's not like we're doing SO much better with society as a whole...with the reports I get from Anthony and my having to ask one of the curators "do they update these regularly ( the short films about 20th century genocides)?" you know? ( Of course after the latter I immediately blurted out "Oh, gosh. I'm sorry." The curator said, sadly, "No, unfortunately, it's a valid question...."). The guy who coordinates groups and tours led me through and said eventually you get used to it. That's kind of a weird prospect also, in its own way.
The first half of the museum is on the Holocaust; the second half of the museum is the Tolerance Wing, and that's a tad easier to deal with. It's about hate crimes and hate speech and bigotry, primarily. Never thought I'd say THAT would be the easier part of a job, but it is. It's more interactive and designed to get people thinking about themselves and what they think they know about others, and how what they say has meaning and power.
Although no kids are allowed in the museum under 10 ( I was even wracking my brain today trying to remember how old I'd been when I'd learned about Hitler and the Jews and all that. I guess the really awful details probably came to be taught to me formally about then, although it seems like I always knew about it in general. Maybe not. But the staff were saying that some kids today don't even know ANYTHING, even what it IS-- even older ones High school! I find that mindboggling... ::me shaking my head::. Anyway...) THAT ( the Tolerance Wing) section prohibits some things from being shown to grade schoolers, like stuff on exploitation of kids and sex trafficking, etc. ( Can you imagine? "Mom, what's a clitorectomy?" Oh, like I wouldn't lose my job after *that* phone call. And how could I blame them? Crap, I wouldn't wanna explain it to MY kid at 10...) Even the Holocaust stuff I thought was a little gruesome for kids , but compared to what they're probably seeing on cable, well....maybe a bit of understanding how serious murder is when it's real would help put some things back into perspective. I'm not sure about the trauma aspect, though, so I remain undecided. I suppose I'll find out....
THEN I was informed that part of my job in education would be to give tours to a.) various corporate groups, b.) the LAPD as part of diversity training , and ...... c.) skinheads and gang members who were court ordered there for a hate crime. . I think that's great and all, they should damned well have to be there and see exactly what it's all about. I'm just biting my nails a bit anticipating the mayhem. If some skinhead makes some slur, it's going to take all I have to keep the heel of my shoe out of his eyeball, KWIM? Sigh. But I have to remain cool- I'm the voice of reason, after all. The one doing the social justice, trying to teach them something good. Yes, me. The white girl with fair hair and blue eyes ( does that help or hinder me in this situation?). It's curious proposition to take on.
All in all, a job full of things I have to steer carefully of. But I'm glad I have it. I'm proud of the work overall, and FINALLY a job in museum, a nationally reknown one!

Additionally...... I stopped by The Boutique today to get my pay from last week ( of course, it was not there), and it was so weird in there. Some new chick behind the counter and whatnot, and all this new product....I WILL call her in two weeks, and see what she's got, because it's> an extra $160 a week I could be making for essentially standing around. I STILL don't know if she was serious about my coming back, but who knows? I can only do as the woman says....
Even so, I DID go ahead and apply at a nearby Extremely Expensive Asian Furniture and Imports Store today, and the buyer there ( not a native English speaker, clearly) seemed to be impressed that I knew about art and about Buddhism. His brother is the one who does the hiring, and he won't be back til Mon. I'm going to follow up on it, though. I just don't want all my income to rely on teaching kids about the Death Camps, since I don't know how much of it *I* will have tolerance for. Especially when I have to drive to Beverly Hills to do it.

I am hopeful. Hopefully, that turns out to be a good thing!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I stink. No, I mean it- I smell bad. I just took a shower last night, and I woke up, and I smell. I do not know what I'm sweating out of my body, but it is GAWD awful. Maybe it's all that progestin.

It's been Stress-Palooza these last two days. My boss called today and said she and her friend are going to work The Boutique for a few weeks to get sales up. I should call in a few weeks to come back to work, though, because she's going to be starting production on her movie then. In all seriousness. She wasn't firing me. What I'm supposed to do for money TIL then, I have no clue. So out comes the resume, again.

I have so little will to actually submit it. Can't imagine why...

Anthony and I are emailing like crazy, discussing the why's and wherefores of an issue that's driving ME crazy- namely, his temper. He hasn't unleashed lately, but after he left, all the things I was trying to keep under control because I only had a week with him left just came tumbling out. He's got such a disrespectful mouth, and I cannot stand for it. I know he doesn't mean it, but that doesn't make it right, and I'll walk on this point. I told him it was a dealbreaker, and sent him an email just tonight about exactly the incidents I NEVER want to see again. Don't think I didn't gnash my teeth about how to say all THAT.
It's wearing me out. I'm fighting so hard, he's working so hard, to keep this love and there's hardly any history in it of good times to sustain this level of work, energetically. What can I say? I have faith? I love him? Yes, and yes. And then...???

I'm just a cosmic question mark anyway, these past few days.

Griffin can barely walk anymore. He totters about to the water bowl and eats a bit of dry food, and that's it. He's spent the last two days in a little bed I made for him, out of soft old towel and a box. He looks sad. I'm waiting. Every day, now, I'm just waiting.

I got my period, but still am blue. Not as crazy anxious or confused, but blue. I'm also an odd kind of serene. Like it's all going to be okay, maybe. I don't know what that means, either.

Just going to ride this wave til it breaks. What else can ya do?

Friday, September 15, 2006

News update:

I got my period. Praise be to Allah, and Everybody Else, Too. (* She exhales*).

That is all. Thank you.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

It's been too long. Christ. But since my last blog, so much has happened, I've been totally overwhelmed. TOTALLY. And now I'm sick, trying to shake off damn near everything hitting me all at once.

Updates, and they're gonna be fast because I feel like hell in every respect possible:

Yes, Tony and I worked some shit out. It was a serious workout, too. SERIOUS. Was it deserving of any less, after he behaved? He was truly, truly sorry, and is committed to working on his anger management, and concedes he is WAY wrong in handling things like he does sometimes. I'm fine with all that, and trying to figure out a way to be open to his efforts without shortchanging myself. It has been exhausting. Some part of me still has doubts, but believes in our love - I know he truly loves me, and I know I really love him. Still, I kind of need a break! Time, space....just to start over again and say, " okay, let's try this the RIGHT way." I do get some of that because by the time we had gone through all THAT, he had a week before he had to return to Global Hotspot, ( for a 3 month stint) and so I spent alot of time with him. Didn't sleep much ( get your mind out of the gutter! Yeah, well, okay-- that was part of it. But some of it was just getting used to sleeping next to someone as a matter of course, when I haven't in so long. Also, he gets up at the crack of dawn and I'll be damned if I didn't start waking up then, too.) and that + stress of relationship troubles = one very tired girl. He's back in Hotspot as of last week, and of course, tomorrow is 9/11. Keeping my fingers crossed some nutjob doesn't decide to take some anniversary action and start setting things on fire, etc.

Yes, I started my job. It's fine, if a bit disorganized. Still don't have my schedule for this week, and it's Sun night. Still haven't been paid, and it's been 2 weeks. The job is so easy, though, I can't complain....I just mind the store. Straighten a little. Very little foot traffic. I read a book most days, and then I lock up and go home. For $10 an hour. I can't complain much, except about the two things I just did complain about. The problem with a private, small business is that you have to deal with these thngs, and I hate not knowing what I'm going to be doing well before I end up doing it and not getting paid on time. I have bills, lady! Crimeny.

And I'm just sick as a dog and exhausted. I need a vacation. I've had some flu/cold thing rattling in my system and keeping me down for a few days now. I was so sick from that I didn't get to the pharmacy on time so I'm off on my meds. I have wicked PMS because I had to take some emergency contraception after an "Oops! That device failed!" incident with Anthony. I have some sort of *imbalance* Down There because of said hormonal influx, and it is, um, erm, UNCOMFORTABLE to say the least. I feel like crying every 5 minutes, am having panic attacks, wanting to hurl, and sleep all day. Good times, yeah?

Things have GOT to slow down or I'm gonna MAKE 'EM. Slowwwww down. I need a nap!

That's all the news fit to print ( and some of it that probably isn't). This has been Kermit the Frog ( no, not really, but do you remember those? Oh, bear with me. I'm half-delirious.) for Sesame Street News....have a sunshiney day. Thank you.