On the good side....
...I got a new kitten! Angel and I have a new addition to our home!

She's 6 months old, spayed, with all her kitten shots, and she was totally free. Some people on a nearby block had found her with two siblings and mom hiding out in their Special FX shop, and while they were able to rescue the kits, mom had was too feral to be kept. So they caught her, fixed her, and released her. Kittens have been living domestic for about 6 months now, but were still somewhat skittish, and protective of each other. However, the people were caring for them well, and they are in excellent health. The company that owns the building was so interested in finding them good homes that they paid for all the neccessities of inital care. That's pretty awesome.

Anyway, she's a beautiful tortiseshell with an orange stripe down the middle of her nose, and the most amazing golden eyes. She was quite reticent at first and spent the first two days under the dining room table hiding. After that she took to exploring, eating, and following me around. She loves to be held and cuddled and purrs like a motor. NOW she's practically running the house and playing with Angel when she'll have anything to do with him ( I think she still hasnt figured out what to make of him). He's jealous of her attention, but so wants to play with her, so he follows HER around. It's very amusing.

Her name is Rosalie Belle. I saw her eyes and said, "Cullen!" ( the vampire family in "Twilight", who have distinctive golden topaz eyes). Then I saw her protective/self-preserving side and her inherent queenliness, an said, "Ah, Rosalie!" ( Rosalie being the sassiest, and most spoiled of the family). She got the "Belle" because she came with a bell around her neck ( which has been super helpful in locating her, 'cause shes quite tiny and into all manner of stuff) and because she came at Christmas.

She's standing on my lap right now shoving her nose into my nose, purring and trying to get my attention as I write this, even. Needless to say, I find it endearing and irresistable, and I am very happy. :)

An update and additional thoughts:

When I went into work today, I was called to the office ten minutes into my being there, and informed I was to go home for the rest of the day, with pay. I was asked to go home, take a day off, and that my actions the night before were "unacceptable", my customer service was "unaccetptable " and that Dil needed some time to think about what to do next. He would call me the next day to let me know whether I was to come into work.

So I went home, confused. I didn't know if I was being fired,and it was being dragged out, or if he was making up company policy ( as he has done from time to time!) by calling me at home while I'm not on the clock, so I called HR, who sufficiently explained the following:

I am officially on suspension ( which I wasn't told when Dil talked to me. WHY he didn't use the correct terms is ridiculous to me, as it would have prevented me a call to HR to find out WTF he was doing and if it was indeed within company policy. ) with pay. HR explained that this is what they do when they're trying to decide what to do or whether to keep an employee ( or ina second case, protect an employee from harrassment, which doesn't apply here). Additionally, ( and Dil mentioned this in a jab of passing but told me little more) while part of this decision to suspend me comes from my insolence last night another part of it arises from Dil and the fucking VP of the company receieving an email last night from a disgruntled customer. He claimed that I told him to "MOVE" into his ear when I was trying to get by him. He had taken a picture of me with his cell phone and sent it along. Oh. My. Head. *****searing pain into my left forehead***

Since for all my abrupt, impatient, and yes, rudeness, I have never in my life told anyone to "MOVE!" unless it was in traffic! I pointed out to HR (and later, Dil) that perhaps the gentleman in question failed to hear me correctly; I automatically say things like "Excuse me sir, could you please move" or "Sir, I need you to move, thank you"when in scenarios such as that.. But I NEVER go up to someone's ear! That's jsut gross, and FWIW, I do have SOME manners. Even in the CSD hub, if someone's in my way, I gently put my hands on their shoulders and say "excuse me". It hurts my head to ponder WTHolyF *this is about.

Later this evening, Dil called me and was quite polite. He stated that he wanted to be fair to me, had no time to go over any of the paperwork, review this latest complaint or discuss things with the DM, and wouldn't untill the holiday craziness was over. I said I expected as much, and with the addition of family obligations it was completely understandable to me and preferrably to me that he took his time. He scheduled a time to meet with me on Monday and speak, with my being paid the rest of the week. We ended on a polite note, "happy holidays" and so forth.

So, I have the rest of the week off. With pay. It could be worse. I guess. I might be out of job here shortly, and that's not going to fly in this economy, or this time of the year ( post Christmas).

On an introspective note with all of it:

I realize in hindsight, of course, that more than likely the correct thing to have done would HAVE gone out to the floor and dodged into the bathroom and to hide for awhile and continue to get it together. He can't go dragging my ass outta there, (plus, my friend Billie, this great 65 year old lady who works in Kids was all set to cover my ass til I was ready to come back out of the breakroom.I'm sure she would have done the same if I were hiding out in the Ladies. KWIM? ).

It should also be stated that in the past, when I've been brought in for any kind of reprimand off the floor, I usually DO actually keep my cool: listen, think evil thoughts in my head, smile, agree, leave. And I even go home after and sort out if what they said was valid or bullshit! This time, however, I'm trying to sort out why I reacted to him so virilantly, but all I can think of, I was hoppin' mad. No leftover Daddy issues, no authority issues ( if there would have been, I would have been swearing and all manner of ugly things). We've all been under ridiculous stress lately, and his picking on me has been building. But even so, I think he just did to me what was unacceptable, and I couldn't get it together. *Sigh*. I suspect I probably would have, if left alone for a few minutes more, but that didn't happen. I don't know why he chose not to.

IT's all irrelevant, because clearly, I need to learn to handle these things better. Period. He's the Asshole Boss to a *T*, but he's not the first, and he probably won't be the last. I wouldn't go so far as to say I have a serious problem with my temper, but I would say that my stress management skills and my instant hotheadedness ( short wick, but blows out fast) need work.
In all seriousness, maybe I need to learn to meditate?

Honestly, I've been thinking very hard about this, and while yes, this has taken to the height of the absolute absurdity and so forth on their end, I have to say, my greatest weakness in this LIFE is the sheer inability to suck it up and suffer the general stupidity and rudeness of the public. That's not their fault, it's mine. Even if I don't say it, as it's been suggested to me time and time again, it's in my tone, I'm sure of that.

Frankly, I don't know HOW to sort of bite my tongue to the point of it not showing through how irritated and offended I am. On one hand, this is a good thing- I'm honest. On the other hand, it's not serving me in the workplace. I don't KNOW how to paint on a smile and sweeten up and suck it up. I don't. I try. I honestly try. But it makes me feel ridiculous and fake and.....all manner of things I won't go into here.

To put a finer point on it, R says I don't suffer fools gladly, and I'm really bad at putting up with bullshit, which is admirable, but let's face it, isnt that work in general? C (my sweet ASM) says I need to let more things roll off of me, that it's okay to feel the things I feel but I can't let them get to me. I don't know how to do that either.

I really want to know how to do those things, I do. Because life isn't going to change itself around for me, and as much as I'm "right", well.....I'm not sure being right is going to pay the rent. As another friend AJ so appropriately put it, I don't know how to do any of this without feeling like a giant fake sellout.

SO I'm open to suggestions from people who are able to do it. I really am. Even if this job is sunk, even if, indeed, retail management sucks and intrinsically, retail is far more sucky than any customer can possibly imagine and yes, the job is truly not for me in the long run, I can't imagine I can't be helped by learning from it somehow.

KWIM? *sigh*.

So, in the middle of the Christmas season rush, my stupid store manager sent me home. He basically told me to get back out on the floor or I could clock out and go home. In light of how angry and close to tears I was, I decided a the better option was indeed, the latter.

Where was I? I was in the back office trying to cool my head after he'd just decided to humilate me in front of a customer.

What happened? A mom and a daughter came up to find a book of poetry that turned out ot be relatively obscure and in the post-plague-of-locusts state of our store, really hard to track down. I looked dilligently for 5 solid minutes, but couldn't find it, and a line was forming back at Customer Service. The phone was ringing off the hook, 3 lines at a time. When situations like that arise, we're to help the person to the best of our ability and then offer to look at another store or order it for them. I did all three. The pair were polite, but declined. I went off and busted my ass for the next 3 1/2 hours.

What went wrong? I'm standing there at the desk, trying to wade through the piles and piles and piles of go-backs to sort them. Dil turns to me, holds up this particular book of poetry I'd looked for 3 hours ago and said, "JESSICA. Here it is. I just want you to KNOW. *I* found it, " like I'm a total moron. I knew exactly what he was trying to imply, because he's pulled it on at least 4 other co-workers in the last month: you suck, you don't do your job correctly, and that's why we aren't making money. ( It has been so bad with other employees that he's actually been reported to corporate THREE times since then. ) I was instantly angry, since while all of the booksellers were frenetically working this evening, he'd been roaming around the store randomly picking up misplaced or abandoned merchandise, at a leisurely pace. I knew the only reason he'd even found the damned thing was because he'd had nothing better to do, and perhaps mom and daughter had asked him --completely at random-- to help them find it ( as customers are wont to do; they often think if one person doesn't know, maybe someone else does. ). OR he asked them how they were doing, and they asked him then. There was simply no other explanation for it, since frankly, I know that store better than he does, as does everyone else.

So I said, "That was completely unneccesary. You didn't have to humilate me. " To which he snarkily responded "I'm sorry if you feel humilated, but apparently, you have a problem finding books." ( RIGHT. That's why the 300 other customers in the store are lined up in to check out and buy stuff. ) He walked off like the big man he was trying to be and I looked at my new Scheduling Manager ( you know, the one who just thinks I'm bitter?) and said, "That's it, Jay. He does it again and I quit. I don't need to be told I suck every day I'm here." ( Jay spoke to me last week about some customer complaining that I told him to not put his coffee cup on a book. I spent 20 minutes listening to that bitch fest. Two days later, two punk-assed girls were messing with our go-backs cart and I asked them to stop and if they needed something I would help them. They complained to Dil, and I spent 20 minutes listening to THAT.) Jay, who is a colossal ass-kisser to Dil said, "He didn't ACTUALLY say you sucked."

Oh, well, you're right. I guess I got the words wrong, but basically, I SUCK is all that's been coming out of your mouths lately. Meanwhile, I'm working every goddamned day untill midnight busting my ass. I've had one day off in 7 and while yes, some other people have had it far worse, I took someone's shift tonight as a favor. And hey, for the 3 customers I pissed off I can count 30 who thank me for doing my job well. But apparently, I can't do anything right.

Here's where everything takes a turn for the worse:
I'm sitting in back trying to calm down, and Dil comes in on his way to the safe room. I don't look up, I don't speak to him, I just keep breathing. And what is his brilliant employee relations idea at this moment? He turns to me and says, "YOU'RE the one making a big deal out of this NOT me, I just want you to know." Like, needling me into a fight. I said, "Del, that's crap. What you did was wrong. " He claimed the women had complained. I said I didn't beleieve him. He told me we were busy and he needed me out there or I could clock out and go home. I said, "Fine, I'm leaving." I put on my coat and left.

Excellent management there, eh? He was already short a person, too, because Girl ( HB's current love interest) had called out. 3 days before Christmas.

I'm sure I'll be written up for it. For what, though? I was just trying to chill out and he decided to yell at me some more and force me out on to the floor instead of behaving like a normal professional, and either talking it out, or leaving me alone. Any other manager would have done those things- it's not like I'm the first person to ever get into a spat with someone at work. For going home when he gave me the option? Was I supposed to summon the good-ol' company pride and cheer and go on out there? REALLY?

Furthermore, Jay, who was there the entire time this blow-out happened-- both out on the floor and in the back room-- said NOTHING. He didn't tell Dil to chill, he didn't try to negotitate, he just blew it off. That's completely inappropriate. I know he would not have sent me home if it were someone else, and I know any. Other. Manager in the store would have said something like, "Let's all just calm down, " at the very least.

The thing is, I don't know what to do. I can call HR tomorrow and ask what my options are if I get written up, or if I have to sign it if I disagree, etc. etc., I suppose, which will give them a heads up if something's happening and also let me know my options.

*Sigh*. I totally can't afford to lose this job, because I don't have another one to replace it with. And in this economy, that just isn't feasible.

Merry eefffing Christmas.

I am here to officially announce I am through with the bullshit. Yes, you read it right. No more bullshit for 2008, Jessica has officially run out of tolerance.

Mostly because I'm working ridiculously long shifts and doing nothing but working and sleeping, and fighting off a cold. I've not made a single cookie nor treat nor wrapped a gift. I have no clean dishes and laundry is sprawled pretty much throughout the house. I'm tired and I'm grumpy and I need more than one day off in an 8 day stretch to get my shit together and not get really sick.

Add to that the level of Stupid I have to deal with in retail this time of year, and I'm just DONE. If it's not the customers, it's my Store Manager and my new Scheduling Manager, both of whom are two of the pickiest,pissiest, most inarticulate and delusional individuals I have ever met. If I hear one more comment about how I'm "bitter" or I need to be more polite or some such crap, I will seriously put a pen in one of their eyes. I mean it. Last night Jay said I was "bitter. " "Jessica, what's with.....(no adjective, just a hand gesture)...this, this....I mean, you're.....so ( again, no adjective) ? Like....bitter (finally!) or something....I just....what can I do to make you happy?"

I said, "You need to give me a raise."

He just looked at me like I had lost my mind.
I said, "Jay, I'm a nice person. I really am. I am a good person. I am a fun person in my personal life. But you cannot expect me not to SERIOUSLY smile all damned day long on the INSIDE about the kind of work I do at this pay rate. It's not personal, it's not that I don't like my job. I DO my job. But please, I am not going to be full of glee about it every fucking second." He looked at me with his mouth open.

After he walked away I pondered the "bitter" comment. I really don't want to be perceieved as "bitter" by my coworkers, so I turned to my friend, Mr. Charles for feedback. "Mr. Charles", I asked, "am I really bitter?"

Mr. Charles didn't even blink. He said, "Listen, you're dealing with someone who has the worst sense of sarcasm I've ever seen, so I wouldn't worry about it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that he doesn't even KNOW when he's even BEING sarcastic, he's THAT out of touch with his own shit. Don't sweat it."

I watched Jay carefully for awhile, and Mr. Charles was right. While managers like Martin, whom I actually respect have called me "whiny" ( my coworker and friend Kyle corrected him and said, "Actually, I think that's perjorative. I think she's more of a malcontent." ), none of them expect me to be anything else nor do they particularly CARE as long as I am polite to customers. Apparently, however, Jay finds my cyniscism over humanity unnerving and feels the need to confront me about it as if I'm bringing the whole team down with me.

Clearly the man has never spent any time in the breakroom. ( Or any time talking to Heroin Boy, who lately has taken to responding " I dont care. I'm getting paid by the hour" when assailed by a litany of complaints from ohter co-workers, the management, etc.).

As a dash of spice to this fun brew of Christmas cheer I've currently got brewing, I am at the point where I'm going to start prank calling Stephenie Meyer's house. Listen, I loved the "Twilight" series just as much as anyone else. I saw the movie, I have all the books, and I have all manner of girlie geeky fan crap around my house. But if I'd like to formally state for the LAST TIME that:
1.) If you can't figure out which book is first, think of the pattern of the sun going down. Or, read the back of one of the books. If that doesn't help you, you can't be helped. Because you're an imbecile, and that sort of thing tends to be a permanent condition.
2.) The prices for these books are on the cover. Yes they are! Most books have prices on them, as do most items for sale in a retail setting. If it's not apparent with a cursory glance, try looking for it. Just try. For the hell of it. It's a lot of work, I agree, but you know what? You'll be able to use this skill set over and over again throughout your life, and, unlike that dead-eyed, slack-jawed look you're giving me, you won't be embarrassed about it later.
3.) Only the first two books in the series are in paperback. The last two won't BE in paperback for a long while. Certainly not before Christmas or even Valentine's Day. There's nothing I can do about that, and all the pouting, whining, and face-making in the world cannot change it. All your dreams are dead. Sorry.

I know I've said this before on this blog. I'm just tired of saying it for the LAST time, because I don't want to EVER say it again.

Speaking of not EVER wanting to say anything again, two of my friends have gone into complete denial over situations I have repeatedly asked them to DEAL with so I don't have to, since it is their responsibility:

One of them involves my cell phone bill and how it's paid, and the sequence of notification to me should I NEED to know to pay it myself,lest it be cut off unexpectedly, which has been discussed and discussed and discussed. I thought it was understood, but when I came out to a flat tire the other night after ending a shift at midnight and had to drive home on said tire because I had no cell phone to call AAA, I realized there needed to be further clarification. I made such clarification in NO uncertain terms and while I indeed was pissy about it ( wouldn't you be after driving through LA on your rim/half shredded tire at 12am?), the bill was paid and nothing was said to me. No apology, no attempt to call me on my home phone, and no attempt to email me. I didn't even know the bill was paid untill I called this friend twice and said, "Okay. So, we're not speaking???" I got an email back stating they'd called my CELL phone, ( which they KNEW wasn't working, right???) and that they'd paid the bill. Gosh. I should have known my cell phone was on and checked my messages, right? RIGHT!?!?

Ridiculous.

The second person is in current habitation with a Very Jealous Significant Other. While I do like the Significant Other, I can't mediate between them. My friend understands this. But what they FAIL to understand is whatever is not dealt with between them gets shoved over to ME, because Significant Other has a fucked-up set of boundaries. I get emails about who's posting on my friend's Facebook page at least weekly, and while I know my friend has done their level best at keeping S.O. appeased in some manner, they don't seem to like telling S.O. to QUIT emailing behind their backs to THEIR BFFs and thus putting their BFFs in a position to DEAL with it, whether they like it or not.
Granted, it's on me to tell S.O to STOP, and while I have tried this, it doesn't seem to sink in. I have tried to talk to Friend, but then it's "I'm not getting between you two." Okay, that's fine too. But you know what? Couldn'tya just pull your end of the deal, here? Talk to the Other Person about this issue that keeps cropping up? End it finally? Because THIS weekend, S.O decided to get really hopping mad at me for telling tehm that whatever new posting by Some Old Lover on Friend's page didn't seem particularly inappropriate to me and that it either needed to be gotten over already or talk to Friend about it.

Of course, now I'M the one who is Big and Bad and Bitch, and you know what? I'm TIRED. I told S.O. that. I said, "Listen, you asked my opinion, I gave it. You don't like it. I'm not going to argue about it. If you don't like my opinion on this ongoing problem--the opinion which hasn't changed, BTW, since you initially asked for it-- I'm going to call it a draw." Of course, this only made things worse, and now I'm getting all manner of crap in my inbox.

I want Friend to be happy. But you know what? If it comes down to the point where Significant Other is pushing your friends away because YOU can't handle their issues and S.O. isn't capable of containing themselves or finding someone appropriate to talk to, then MAYBE it's time to consider that you aren't really handling the relationship very well. Or that it needs professional help. Or, that you need to step in and SAY something to S.O. about speaking to your friends so rudely, or dragging them into personal business, OR, maybe even something about how I was YOUR BFF since forever, and wouldn't it therefore be reasonable for S.O. to back off???? SOMETHING?

I realize it's awkward to have to choose sides, but the thing is: sometimes we have to do it. Sometimes we have to do it to save our relationships, sometimes we have to do it to save our friendships. Most people don't ask other people to choose sides on a regular basis if they're really your friend, or are any good to you at all. I try not to make a habit out of asking friends to choose sides in sticky scenarios like this one, and I'm not particularly happy about having to do so here . But a little appreciation, effort or even--dare I say it?-- loyalty would go a long way with my patience with Significant Other, and Friend's choice to stay IN this situation.

*Sigh*. Whatever. Now everyone will hate me, I'm sure, but that's fine. It will probably just give them all more unification on their respective fronts, and make them feel better about themselves by lambasting me. Fine. That's what I'm here for, people. Right? Right.

It's the most wonderful time of the motherfucking year. Hot damn.

And if my mother sends me a box of cereal for a Christmas gift because I'm going to Paris and she's not, I swear I will change my phone number. Because why?

Because Jessica is sick of the bullshit. You read it here first. Don't think it ain't true.

A few random things from the last few days:

• I was driving down the street to go pay my power bill, absent-mindedly checking out people's Xmas decorations in yards around the neighborhood. I had to go around the block out of my way because I thought I saw, standing in someone's yard chatting the resident up, that Bob The Drug and Alcohol Counselor from "Celebrity Rehab". ( Yesh, I watch "Celebrity Rehab." Partly because I love me some Dr. Drew-- he really is a cool, hot guy, but he's also a really smart physician-- but also, as a recovering alcoholic, I always learn new things about addiction. Plus, I like to be an armchair Case Supervisor: "You seriously aren't letting Sean Stewart out on a Day Pass! What, are you STUPID? He's so gonna go score.") I LOVE that Bob guy. He's this total case for Hope ( he'd been to rehab 15x before he cleaned his ass up. And now he's a CDAC, which is really noble of him to do) and no one pulls any bullshit over on him. Anyway, I got all excited because I wanted to go shake his hand and say, "Dude, thanks for sharing your story, because it's really inspiring, and I always learn something new when you talk."

But it wasn't him. Alas. It got me thinking, though, which is that I might want to go back to meetings myself. I've been sober for so long I forget I fall and lapse even if I don't use. Like this Heroin Boy thing this summer.....well, he got that name in jest and in a flattering, gosh-he-smells-like-a-present-made-just-for-me! way, but as I mentioned to someone recently, while he's also crave-inducing, he's totally bad for me. And I saw myself doing all manner of addict-y -like things while in the throes of that infatuation. Like cyberstalking. Like trying to manipulate outcomes. Like gossiping and not being who I am. I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself in the end, although it was certainly a rush in the moment. It's a tip-off to me that I kinda need to work on some stuff that AA might readily address, like, oh, you know. Faith. Letting Go. Hope. All the stuff I like to pretend I have a grip on but are really only tenuous to me when I need them the most.

• I think we ( we as in me and Angel) are adopting a friend. There's two girl kittens available- all shots, totally fixed, for free. I have been wanting to get A a friend forever, since he's lonely, but I haven't been able to afford the fees. But I was at this yard sale, and the woman mentioned her neighbor had some kitties she needed to adopt out....so, I went to meet them. I can't have both, only one. I don't know which I'll choose. But stay tuned...

• Some snapshots of Really Special People Coming Into Work:

1.) "I need this book? It's called (looks at Post-It)...um, "Grapes and Rats" ( Me: Er...do you mean "The Grapes of Wrath"? ) "I don't know." ( You know what? I think that's probably what it is. Here. ( handing her the book). Have fun.)

2.) "Do you have movies? You know. MOVIES. On DVD. I mean, a DVD section????" ( frantic, and talking to me like I'm an idiot. Me: No, I'm sorry, only X and Y Stores carry DVDs.) "Well. I.. **sighing**.. oh. Oh no. Oh, ** sighing**". ( At points like these, which come more often than ever these days, I sometimes think, 'Is my role here to carry the guilt for not having what she wants? Am I to be a witness to her angst so someone will acknowledge it? Because really, I can't actually DO anything about this, so therefore, I am flummoxed. And yet, oddly, coldly uncaring.')

3.) "Do you have "Twilight"? ( Me: Right behind you, on that table. Lots of 'em.) " Oh, okay. Wait. Do you have "New Moon"/"Eclipse"/"Breaking Dawn"? ( Me : On that table. Lots of 'em.) "Oh." ( A pause.) "Do you have them in hardcover/softcover/a size for my dog to read/cheaper/fancier/in a box set?" ( Me: Well, let's see: yes/ yes on two of them/ no, not ever/only the first one/again, only the first one/yes, but not in stock. THEY'RE ALL ON THE TABLE BEHIND YOU.) "Oh". ( A pause). "How much are they? " ( Me: ::slams forehead into the counter and begins to weep.::)

People are so fucking special. And by "special", I mean "retarded". I cannot fathom for the life of me how folks like these -- of which this is just a small slice!-- manage to get out of bed and put clothes on and function. I wonder if LA County should order a plethora of short yellow buses to shuttle them around just so they don't hurt themselves or others.

• I'm trying to pick a film to see on Christmas Day. That's my tradition. I loathe the holiday, and even if I'm in a reasonable proximity to family, I nip out of the insanity and go to the movies. It makes me feel like I'm getting away with something, in a weird way, and it's much more satisfying for me to be in a theatre getting to watch something I've not had time to see than sitting around pretending to fawn over some present/baby/televised special. I've found that it's best to go to indie theaters on that day, since they're mostly empty and it is such a sweet experience to be one of six people in there quietly munching on popcorn, versus the mad crush at any googleplex in town. Last year I saw "Persepolis" and I was there in Beverly Hills, having gotten there with so little traffic it was almost enjoyable driving down Sunset ( !?!?!), and the film was tremendously moving. And about a week later, it disappeared from distribution and I was so glad I caught it.

This year, I'm thinking of "Doubt", with Meryl Streep/Phillip Seymour Hoffman or "Slumdog Millionaire" by Danny Boyle ( of "Trainspotting" et al, fame). I thought about "Australia", because I love me some Baz Lurhman and Hugh Jackman, but the 3 hour running time and the Nicole Kidman factor have me dithering. It's also not a small film, and likely to be out in wide release. I'm taking suggestions....but as I look, I don't see much. Have I missed something, or are indie films lacking anything of interest this year? Hard to tell.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for further updates...over and out.

I think the Universe took a little pity on me this week, because:

1.) Orbitz, for no particular reason I can determine, offered me a "courtesy cancellation" on that $400 plane ticket home. While I was under the impression that most plane tickets are use-them-now-or-use-them-later-but-the-money-is-spent non-refundable, I got back ( or Roy's credit card did) everything minus a small $6 processing fee. $6?!?!? I think I can handle owing Roy $6. At any rate, I'm not questioning it. I'm just grateful. And I've got to think of something amazing to do for Roy & Ron for Christmas, I think.

2.) My mother, without provocation or request, sent me a check today. I was seriously laying in bed this morning lamenting losing a week's worth of work over this debacle, and then I went to the mailbox and received a nice surprise. This means I can ACTUALLY pay some bills and not be so behind on everything that I'm worried I'll be spending part of the month in the dark/without heat. Granted, I'm sure my mom has a string attached to this gift ( need I remind you that my brother got a box of cereal one year for Christmas after she helped him out with some random thing financially?), but that's just fine. I'd rather have my power on than open a Wii or yet another knick-knack I have to dust.

So Whomever/Whatever is Up There, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.